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Empower Yourself

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What is motivation and why is it so important?

Motivation means having a reason to act or behave in a particular way. We can have the best of intentions but without motivation nothing happens. Being motivated is integral for taking action and facilitating change in any area of your life, including towards your health and well-being, which is the focus of this post.

Very few of us are really motivated:

Most of us struggle to not only find motivation, but also to keep it too. Just think about how many times you have said to yourself either ‘I can’t find the motivation,’ ‘I can’t stay motivated,’ or ‘I was motivated but then I lost it.’

Why we find it hard to maintain motivation:

So why do we find it so difficult to become and stay motivated? The reason is because we are not in alignment with who we are (our true-self). As a result, we tend to go about motivation in the wrong way, including by having an over-reliance on external goals, as well as through constant self-criticism.

*An over-reliance on external goals – This includes things like doing a fun run, or getting in shape before summer or for a birthday. The problem with being motivated by such goals, is that even if you do eventually reach them, at some point or another, your mind will no longer see a reason to continue the behaviour, and so the motivation stops. This occurs because your behaviour is often merely a means to an end, and never truly the reward itself. The result being that you need to find something else to motivate yourself, and also continuously try to summon up enough will power to stay motivated with it again. Don’t get me wrong, having external goals is not the problem. They only become a problem when you use them as your main source of motivation, as opposed to being motivated from within.

*Constant self-criticism – This is the carrot and stick approach – the carrot is ‘I want to feel good about myself’ and the stick is ‘I don’t want to feel bad about myself.’ This is a fear-based type of motivation – I am not ok if I fail, therefore I must try harder and succeed so I will be ok.  

Many of us think we need self-criticism to motivate and keep ourselves in line. And whilst some amount of constructive criticism is useful in motivating ourselves to change, most of us do this in a non-constructive way. This is the nasty, harsh, belittling, you’re worthless, you’re bad, you’re no good type of criticism. This language may sound extreme, but if you were to actually write down (especially on a bad day) some of the things you say to yourself, you would be surprised at both how nasty and how frequent it really can be, eg. I’m fat, I look ugly, I can’t do that, etc.

The problem with this approach is that whilst it may initially motivate us, it often leaves us feeling stressed out and even depressed which is not exactly the most conducive mood for motivation. It also makes us lose faith in ourselves. If we constantly tell ourselves ‘I’m no good, I’m not worthy, I can’t do it,’ then we don’t feel confident to take on new tasks. The more we do it the more we become aware of failure – ‘I’m not even going to try because the consequences of failing are just too devastating – it’s better just not to go there.’ And so, we become less inclined to try and to keep on trying.

So why do we do it then? Well one of the main reasons why we are so attached to our self-criticism is that even though it is so painful, it’s because it gives us the Illusion of control. Think about it, how often have you said to yourself things like ‘I shouldn’t have failed.’ This implies that while it is theoretically possible that you will never fail… it’s because you have done something wrong… you shouldn’t have done this, you shouldn’t have been that, etc. We love the illusion that it is theoretically possible to be perfect. To never have things go wrong, and do anything we want to do. However, the reality is that we don’t have full control over everything, but yet we still criticize ourselves for it.  We think if, ‘well maybe if I just tried that little bit harder, I could be perfect’ and that is not reality.

Where motivation should come from:

The key to endless motivation lies not in self-criticism or pursuits of the external, but rather by becoming empowered by your own sense of being, including the love and gratitude you have for who you are, and for life itself. This occurs naturally when you connect and live in alignment with your true self. – Robert Greco.

So, if the way we typically motivate ourselves doesn’t work, then how should we motivate ourselves? The answer is that we should be entirely motivated from deep within ourselves – from our very own sense of being, including the love and gratitude we have for who we are, and for life itself. This can only occur when we connect to, and live in alignment with our true-self, including our heart. Remember, it’s your heart that feels, not your head. If you want to feel motivated, then your hearts got to be in it. In this way, motivation has more than anything else, got to do with your relationship with who you are, or the lack of it. How exactly does living in alignment with your true-self motivate you? It does so in many ways, including

Increased Self-compassion – This is not a self-pity or poor me attitude, but rather the understanding that it’s hard for all of us – for me, for you, for everyone else. This is a more connected way of relating to yourself. Unlike self-criticism, self-compassion doesn’t evaluate and judge the worth of yourself as a person including whether or not you are good enough, or feeling like you have to always be doing more in order to see yourself in a positive light. Self-compassion is kind, enduring, supportive and constructive. This includes accepting, loving and embracing yourself for who you are, as you are – even though you’re not perfect and even though you fail sometimes. Yes, this is something most of us struggle to do!

You’re probably thinking… So, if I just accept myself as I am, flaws and all, then how and why would that motivate me? And the reason is because by doing so, we provide the safety needed to see ourselves clearly. And because we care about ourselves and don’t want to suffer, then we are going to want to make changes conducive to well-being. Think about it – if we love who we are more fully, then we are naturally going to want to look after who we are on all levels. We are going to treat ourselves with the respect, love and attention that we deserve. But if we don’t, then we are just going to do what makes us feel good in that moment rather than what is actually good for us long term. We also know that if we don’t succeed, it is still OK. There is no pressure that unless we change, then we are a bad person. Sure, it would be great if we could change, but also that we accept ourselves the way we are regardless.

Unfortunately, despite these positives, most of us find it really hard to motivate ourselves from a place of self-compassion. A common reason for this is because we don’t trust ourselves enough and or we confuse self-compassion with self-indulgence. This is where we think that if we are compassionate towards ourselves, then we will not do any exercise and eat lots of chocolate every day, or whatever else we like. However, when you come from a place of self-compassion, you understand that whilst pleasure in the short term feels good (self-indulgence), you are also aware that it harms you in the long run, so you are unlikely to engage in it. Self-compassion only wants health and well-being for ourselves, not harm, and as such provides the basis and motivation to adopt healthy lifestyle behaviours. When you are motivated from a place of compassion, including from a place of love and wholeness for self, you believe that you, and your health and well-being, are worth fighting for.

However, we need to ensure that we don’t use self-compassion as a way of making excuses for unhealthy choices. E.g. drinking two bottles of wine over dinner and saying ‘I’m only human.’ Sure, you could blow things off and say its self-compassion but is it really? No, because self-compassion only wants well-being, so make sure you live true to yourself regarding whether you’re using self-compassion as a source of motivation towards increased well-being and not for making excuses for unhealthy choices including irrational rewards. If you do make unhealthy choices, then it will be easier to take responsibility for them coming from a place of compassion because you won’t be so hard on yourself. This is important because when you take full ownership for everything in your life then you’re in control. The more you do this, the more you begin to trust and honour yourself and the easier it becomes.

Increased Inspiration – Did you know that after almost 20 years of working in the health and wellness industry, I have never met a lazy person. But I have met many who people who are uninspired. The problem is that when you feel uninspired, you don’t feel very motivated. So, the question is not ‘how can I become motivated,’ but rather ‘how can I be or feel inspired?’ You can do this by connecting and living in alignment with, your deepest nature.

Increased Purpose and Meaning – What really motivates you to get out of bed in the morning and do what you do each day? Without a consistent sense of purpose and meaning in your life, then it’s difficult to become motivated. However, when you begin to really connect and live in alignment with who you really are, then you begin to understand the true purpose of life. This leads to doing more fulfilling work and fostering more harmonious relationships, both of which imbue your life with a greater sense of meaning and purpose. This supports, rather than detracts, from our motivation for things like health and well-being. 

Increased ability to live in the present – Did you know that the average person has about 50,000 negative thoughts each day. Thoughts which not only lead to increased stress and anxiety, but other mental health issues including depression. Being in this space can often make simple everyday things harder than what they should be, and it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness or begin to feel overwhelmed. It’s like riding an emotional rollercoaster, where we feel great one day, but then down the next. And guess what, your motivation does the same. However, when we live in alignment with our true-self, we also live more in the present moment. This is important because virtually all negative thoughts come from either by analysing the past, or worrying about the future. By living more in the present, we significantly reduce most, if not all of the negative thoughts in our life. But more than that, when we do so, we also create/make space to experience our natural states of being, this includes feelings of happiness, peace, joy and enthusiasm; all of which helps us to become more motivated. In-fact, there is no greater source of energy, determination and inspiration for life and well-being, than when your heart is full of love and your mind is present. This is because universal energy/love, is more able to radiate though you without any resistance, providing a constant source of energy in everything we do.

Increased Gratitude – What’s your take on life? Do you love it, or do you think that life sucks? Because unless you love life and believe that you have everything to live for, then you’re always going to struggle to stay motivated.                                     

However, when you live in alignment with your true-self, you begin to see the sacredness of not only who you are, but also of life itself. You begin to understand that each and every moment is a gift (that’s why it’s called the ‘present’) as there is no way of assuming that another moment will be given to you. Yet, that is the most valuable thing that can ever be given to us – life itself.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t really acknowledge just how sacred life really is. We think life’s just going to go on, and we think we have all of the time in the world, and as result, end up taking so much of it for granted. But the reality is that we don’t have all of the time in the world, because one day we will die. In-fact, the average life is only 27,000 days, and for many this is cut much shorter. In this way, life is precious and we must not take anything for granted. Every minute, of every hour, of every day, is absolutely precious, and needs to be honoured.

The good news is that you don’t have to wait until you’re living in alignment with your true-self before you start becoming grateful for life itself. Instead, start to write down one thing you are grateful for each day. The more you do this, the more in alignment you become with yourself.

Remember, you only have one chance at life. The question is, are you going to waste it, or are you going to make the most of it? Living in alignment with our true-self helps us to realise this, and the more we do, the more we become motivated towards well-being, including doing all of the things that give life, not take it away.

So, if you’re struggling to get and stay motivated, then it’s time you start to connect to, and live more in alignment with, your true-self. Because as you do, you will begin to also connect to that inner well of unconditional love, inspiration, purpose, gratitude and infinite energy. The result being that you will become empowered, rather than just motivated towards health and well-being, and this makes all of the difference.

Q.Do you constantly struggle with motivation, or are you someone who is empowered towards health and well-being?

Rob

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September 9, 2018 0 comment
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RECENT POSTSWHAT YOU DO

Maintain Correct Posture

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What is correct posture?

Posture is the position you maintain – essentially how you hold your body. Dynamic posture is how you hold yourself when you are moving, like when you are walking, running or bend over to pick up something. Static posture is how you hold yourself when you are not moving, like when you are standing, sitting, or sleeping.

You have correct posture when your position creates the least amount of strain on supporting muscles, ligaments and joints whilst standing, sitting, lying down or doing any other activity. The key to correct posture is the position of your spine. Your spine has three natural curves – at your neck, mid back, and low back. Correct posture should maintain these curves, but not increase them. Your head should be above your shoulders, and the top of your shoulder should be over the hips.

Correct posture not so common

As kids we are often taught and reminded of the importance of correct posture, however as we age we are less mindful of our posture (low postural awareness). Unfortunately, we live in a forward-leaning society – spending much of our time sitting – either in the car, on the train, at work on our desks all day, at school, on the couch or glued to our smartphones. The result being that most of us have poor or incorrect posture.

Why is having correct posture important?

Correct posture…

 *Decreases your chance of injury, muscle pain and other problems – by keeping your bones and joints in proper alignment, decreasing joint compression and allowing you to use your muscles more efficiently. This prevents muscle aches/strain and fatigue/overuse and is essential for avoiding neck, back and shoulder pain including headaches, as well as arthritis, spinal/disk problems and constricted blood vessels and nerves, as well as tendonitis and bone spurs. Good posture also increases your balance and decreases your chance of falling.

 *Increases oxygen and helps all bodily systems to operate smoothly – breath is life, and good posture helps to open the airways and ensure proper breathing. Proper breathing allows enhanced oxygen flow to the nervous system, organs and other tissues, so that they all function effectively.

 *Decreases stress and better mood – poor posture creates unnecessary stress and strains your body including your spine, which can make you feel heavy, achy, tired and irritable. It also decreases your digestion which is linked to your mood – did you know that more endorphins can be released from your gut than your brain? All of these things combined often lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression. Good posture on the other hand, stimulates physiological arousal, such as a spike in blood pressure, and triggers a coping response to stress. The result is increased resilience and better mood. This is common sense really, given that the body follows the mind, and the mind follows the body. Try it now – adopt a depressed mind-state by thinking of something that gets you down, and see what happens to your body. Now do the opposite with a super excited mind-state – what happens? Your body follows your mind, so you go from a closed posture to an open one. Next time you want to kick your negative mood, start with fixing your posture first.

 *Helps you look and feel good – maintaining good posture helps increase your physical appearance because by avoiding slouching, you look taller, slimmer and stronger. The result being a more attractive, more comfortable and more confident you.

How can you improve your posture?

Here are a few of the best ways to improve your posture:

*Stay active: All types of exercise generally help to improve posture, but some are especially beneficial. This includes exercise such as weight training, yoga, pilates, as well as any other movement which focuses on body awareness. Cardiovascular exercise such as rowing and swimming can also be beneficial. Regardless of what type of exercise you do, always ensure to include exercises which strengthen your core (muscles around your back, abdomen, and pelvis) as these play an essential role in the maintenance of good posture.

*Stretch more: This goes hand in hand with staying active, but stretching is of paramount importance when it comes to having great posture. Try to stretch for at least 5-10 minutes per day or more, on most days of the week. If you do activities such as yoga and pilates, stretching is already built in. It’s also a good idea to get a massage every so often, because sometimes no amount of stretching can release locked up or worn out muscles. Besides, it’s wonderful for total body rejuvenation including mental stress release too.

*Maintain a healthy weight: Excess fat can weaken your abdominal muscles, cause problems for your pelvis and spine, and contribute to low back pain, sore hips, knees and anything else. All of these can hurt your posture, so if you are overweight, then losing weight may be the best thing you can do to fix your posture.

*Sleep on your side: The best position to sleep on is usually on your side, with a well-supported pillow for your head, and an additional pillow down by your side to support the leg not resting on the mattress. Not only is it better for your posture, but it is also better for your breathing and digestion too – particularly if you lie on your left side. Sleeping on your back is not advised, however sleeping on your stomach does the most damage to your posture – putting strain on the muscles of the head, neck, jaw and can also put out your lower back and pelvis.

*Wear comfortable, low-heeled shoes: High heels, can tighten your calves, throw off your balance and force you to change your gait/walk differently. This puts more stress on your muscles and can damage your posture.

*Be mindful of your posture: Be mindful of your posture during everyday activities, like watching television, eating dinner, or walking. The more aware of your posture you are, the more quickly it improves.

*Sit Properly: Some things we can do to improve the way we sit include:

  • Don’t sit for too long – it’s called the 20-10 rule… Sit for 20min, stand for 8min and walk for 2. You can also gently stretch your muscles to help relieve muscle tension at the same time.
  • Make sure that your feet touch the floor – if this is not possible, use a footrest.
  • Don’t cross your legs – instead, keep your feet on the floor, with your ankles in front of your knees.
  • Make sure that your back is fully supported – use a back pillow or other back support if your chair does not have a backrest that can support your lower back’s curve (either a small rolled up towel, or commercial product).
  • Change the way you sit – a great way to do this throughout the day, is to try to alternate your chair with a fit-ball to activate your core/postural muscles and prevent them from wasting away. This could be for an hour in the morning and then again in the afternoon. You can also perform simple strength movements like balancing on one leg and figures 8’s as you sit. You just need to ensure that you choose the right size ball so that your thighs and hips are parallel to the floor or that your hips are slightly higher (<145cm tall = 45cm ball, 140-165cm = 55cm ball, 165-195cm = 65cm ball, >195cm = 85cm ball).
  • Relax your shoulders – instead of rounding your shoulders, gently pull them back, whilst at the same time keeping them relaxed/depressed.
  • Keep your elbows close to your body – they should be bent between 90 and 120 degrees.
  • Make sure that your thighs and hips are supported – you should have a well-padded seat, and your thighs and hips should be parallel to the floor. You may need a footrest to keep your hips and knees level.
  • Setup your computer screen correctly – instead of adjusting your posture to suit the position of our computer screen, adjust the screen itself so that the centre of it sits at eye-level.

*Improve the way you stand:

  • Stand up straight and tall – keep your shoulders back but relaxed with your head level.
  • Pull your stomach in – activate your core and let your arms hang down naturally by your sides.
  • Put slightly more weight on the balls of your feet – rather than on your heels, whilst ensuring that your knees don’t buckle in/no knock-knees.
  • Keep your feet about shoulder width apart – and facing straight ahead to avoid internally or externally rotating the hips.
  • When using a standing desk – position the screen so that the centre of it is at eye-level just like sitting posture.

Where to get help

If you need further help with achieving better posture, then consult your local Personal Trainer, Exercise Scientist/Physiologist, Osteopath, Physiotherapist or Chiropractor. Things like the Alexander Technique are also excellent, otherwise you can speak to your Doctor who can put you into contact with someone who can help.

Q.Do you have poor posture and if so, then what things will you start doing to improve it?

Rob

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July 20, 2018 0 comment
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WHAT YOU CHEWRECENT POSTS

Eat Organic

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We are what we eat but how many of us actually know what we are really eating? We often think that the food which we eat is safe, however this is hardly the case. Food is really only as safe as it is grown and manufactured, and the safest food to eat is organic food.

What is Organic?

Organic farmers and food producers grow and produce food without using synthetic chemicals such as pesticides and artificial fertilisers. They do not use genetically modified (GM) components or expose food to irradiation. Organic foods are foods in their most natural state, just as nature has provided. Some examples of organic produce include fruit and vegetables, dried legumes, grains, meat and meat products, dairy foods, eggs, honey and some processed foods. Any food can be organic or non-organic depending upon the processes it has been through.

Why is it important to eat organic?

It is important to eat organic because due to many of the processes which non-organic foods go through, they can be unsafe. Some of the dangers of non-organic foods include:

Genetically modified (GM): GM are foods that have been genetically modified/altered from its naturally occurring state. Genes from other sources have been introduced into these foods in order to ward off pests/disease and increase yield/profitability. For example, it is common practice for glyphosate (which is the active ingredient in Roundup) to be added to the genetic structure of plants. Currently, GM foods comprise about 55%-70% of the processed foods in the supermarkets, mostly in the way of GM corn and soy bean products. No long term studies have yet been done on the effects of GM on humans, however many have been done on animals which indicate infertility, immune problems, accelerated aging, problematic insulin regulation, stomach problems, reduction in digestive enzymes, liver toxicity, allergic reactions, antibiotic resistance, cancer and more.

Manure & Fertilizers: Manure such as animal poo or blood and bone contain anything which the animal was exposed to in its life, including hormones and antibiotics. These are then absorbed by the plant and into our own body when we eat it ourselves. If you’re vegan then you need to eat 100% organic to avoid eating animal products. Natural Fertilizers like peat moss and potash are fine, but chemical fertilizers can also be dangerous to your health in many ways.

Pesticides/Insecticides: Are applied directly to the unwanted pests of plants and can be either non-systemic or systemic. Non–systemic pesticides are topical and can be mostly washed off of a plant before consumption. Systemic pesticides are chemicals that are actually absorbed by a plant when applied to seeds, soil, or leaves. The chemicals then circulate through the plant’s tissues, killing the insects that feed on them. … Unlike with traditional insecticides, you can’t wash or peel off systemic pesticide residues. Pesticides are often sprayed generally more on summer than winter crops due to increased pests. They are also excessively sprayed on out of season crops – which is a real worry when you consider that nearly all fruit and vegetables are available in our supermarkets all year around. And also because 90% of us don’t even know what season most fruit and veggies are naturally grown in. So next time you want to buy tomatoes in the winter or broccoli in summer, take into consideration the impact these excessive additional pesticides may be having on your health.

Fungicides: Are chemicals used to cure diseases in crops and to protect seeds during shipment and storage. Many of the chemicals have adverse effects that harm the skin, lungs (like asthma) and eyes. Fungicide chemicals are known to cause contact dermatitis, chronic skin disease, visual disturbances, pulmonary edema and other effects. Most fungicides are poisonous when ingested and some can be fatal.

Herbicides: Are chemical substances used to control or manipulate all or selected undesirable vegetation, especially weeds. Some herbicides have been labelled endocrine disruptors and have been linked to cancer, miscarriages and more. The more herbicides are used, the more resistant weeds and pests become.

Irradiation: Where food is treated with ionizing radiation to kill bacteria and parasites that would otherwise cause foodborne disease. Similar technology is used to sterilize medical devices so they can be used in surgery. At high doses, food is essentially sterilized, just as what occurs in canning. Products treated with irradiation can be stored at room temperature almost indefinitely – which is great for supermarket chains who don’t have to worry about fresh produce going rotten on their shelves. Research indicates that irradiation also can destroy vitamins (like Vitamin B) and nutrients, disrupt proteins and essential fatty acids, and corrupt flavour, texture and odour.

Growth hormones: Artificial/synthetic growth hormones are injected directly into animals or added to their feed to enhance their growth rate, and the amount of eggs, dairy (including milk), fish and meat they produced. Research indicates that growth hormones in food can lead to cancer and diabetes.

Antibiotics: In order to increase profits many companies no longer allow animals to freely roam the land but instead confine them to small, heavily crowded and often unsanitary places. In order to make sure these animals don’t get disease from such conditions, they routinely feed them large amounts of antibiotics. Also, the feed (such as corn mash) which these animals are given also contain even larger (and unregulated) amounts of antibiotics meaning we are really getting a double dose. This is leading to a new generation of drug resistant super-bugs. In-fact, even viral infections like the common cold and flu are increasingly becoming untreatable with antibiotics.

Aesthetically enhanced: In order to sell more/increase profits, food manufactures often make food more attractive. For example, in the wild, salmon get their beautiful colour by eating krill and shrimp, which contain a reddish-orange compound called astaxanthin. However farmed salmon which live in a pen, are fed kibble made from fish waste, corn gluten, ground-up feathers, soybeans, chicken fat and genetically engineered yeast. This gives them a dull grey flesh which is not very attractive. So in order to get the perfect colour, astaxanthin is synthesized in a lab, using petrochemicals and given to the farmed fish. Another example would be the beautiful looking shiny apples that you buy which are full of wax – Just pour some boiling water over one and see how much wax comes off. Virtually all processed foods contains a various array of chemicals to increase the appearance.

Ripening agents: Natural ripening is a physiological process which makes the fruit edible, palatable and nutritious. During ripening fruits soften, changes colour, and characteristic aroma and flavours develop. However today, so much of the fruit we eat is actually artificially ripened. This is done to achieve faster and more uniform ripening characteristics. It allows many fruits to be picked prior to full ripening, which is useful, since ripened fruits do not ship well. For example, bananas are picked when green and artificially ripened after shipment by being gassed with ethylene. Artificially ripened fruit produce less nutrients and are less tasteful. The substances used are often toxic. For example, Calcium carbide contains traces of arsenic and phosphorus, and is linked to cancer and a host of other health problems.

Long Storage Time: We all know that fresh is best, however not everything we eat is fresh. Much of it is stored in cold storage for long periods (and even gassed with chemical SmartFresh to stop the ripening process) before we actually buy it. For example, tomatoes are stored up to about 2 months, carrots 9 months, potatoes up to 12 months and apples up to 24 months. The result is less taste and less nutritional properties. Think about it, when was the last time you bought fresh produce from the supermarket which was bursting with flavour and tasted amazing? One which tasted just like it was home grown? It’s little wonder why a home grown apple, tomato or anything else often tastes so much better than a shop bought one! Obviously if you are not used to organic eating then you don’t really know what you’re missing.

You have a choice:

As you can see, there are many dangers associated with eating non-organic foods, and these are just some of them. With that said, most of the time the benefits of non-organic fresh produce outweighs any risks, so please don’t let this be a barrier to eating them. At the end of the day, food is a very personal thing, and it’s up to you what you eat. The purpose of this post is simply to ensure that you are aware of what happens to our food from paddock to plate, and now it’s up to you to choose to eat organic or not.

For me, the choice is a simple one – to eat certified organic produce/products whenever possible. I do this because it’s the only real way to ensure that what you are eating is safe. Sure it’s more expensive, but what price can you put on your health? You can however significantly minimize the cost of eating organic by also growing your own – it’s easy once you know how. Even if you grow just some things.

So next time you go to a grocery store and every time you put something in your mouth, ask yourself – where is this food from, what has it been through and is it really good for me? Food is an intrinsic part of who we are as human beings and if we don’t take care of our bodies by being mindful of what we are putting into them we will continue to damage them. Remember, natural food is our medicine, so choose local, choose fresh, choose seasonal and choose to eat organic whenever possible.  

Rob

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June 17, 2018 3 comments
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RECENT POSTSLIVING TRUE

Write Your Own Story

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Definition: ‘Writing your own story:’

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. Thomas Jefferson.

Did you know that the Latin root of the word “authenticity” is “author.” To write your own story means to be the authentic author of your life. This includes knowing and living true to your highest values and continuing to do so when you experience adversity or hit cross roads in life. It means to live life on your own terms – in consideration of your needs and desires. To ‘own it’ and to intentionally make decisions that steer your life in whatever direction you choose. It means chasing your dreams and doing what you love and what makes you happy. You’re in the driver’s seat.

Why is it important?

 There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. – Maya Angelou

If you are not writing your own story, then you are simply a character in someone else’s story. Sure there is nothing wrong with doing this, but it will most likely be a mediocre life, with less happiness and increased stress.

If on the other hand, you want to live a happy and fulfilling life, then you need to write your own story. Whether you want to live a simple life or more exhilarating one doesn’t matter – what matters is that you live the life that ‘you’ want to live. Writing your own story makes you feel empowered because you are standing in your own power and in control of what you do and don’t want in life.

Writing your own story gives you a sense of purpose, and we all know that the best stories are the ones that have a purpose. When you do what you love, you have much more gratitude, and you achieve so much more in your life. Writing your own story and chasing your dreams lights a fire in your heart and whether you reach it or not it warms everyone and everything around you. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we were all inspired, if we all chased our dreams? I know I feel inspired chasing my dreams! Most importantly writing your own story makes you happy and you can’t put a price on that!

Are you writing your own story?

There comes a point when you need to stop reading other people’s books and write your own. – Albert Einstein

Are you writing your own story, or are you following other people’s story? Are you living the dream – your dream? Are you just plotting through life according to other people’s wants, desires, expectations and dreams? If you are not writing your own story you need to start, especially if you’ve found yourself in the wrong story.

How do we write our own story?

Start with Once Upon a Time… Here are some of my top tips when it comes to writing your own story:

*Be careful not to let others write your story:

If you don’t write your own story then others will write it for you.

If you were to look back upon your story thus far today, you would likely find that part of your story comes from your own choices but part of it also comes from your environment too – namely via the projection of others. Often this starts at birth, with our parents and siblings. In-fact, so much of this influence is unspoken – meaning that their influence is subtle yet powerful through their values, including the way they behave and live their life. And as we grow up, this circle of influence extends to relatives, friends, teachers, work mates.

Regardless of who it is, all of these people can affect both how you perceive and interact with the world including how you write your story. I suppose from a young age, parents probably have the biggest influence on the outcome of your story, because from a young age your values are so heavily influenced by their own. However, although it’s often always from good intentions, if you are not careful, then it is easy to let them or anyone else write your story – and especially so if you look up to them. This isn’t a bad thing if you’re happy with the story they have helped you write. However it’s just that sometimes they just can lay out quite a narrow path for you to success, and they can make you feel like if you don’t go down this path you will be a failure.

It’s one thing to take advice from others but it’s another thing altogether to live your life the way they want you to live it. Sometimes if we are not careful, we can let others influence our story more than we know. Have you sold out on your dreams in order to make those whom you love and respect happy? Remember to always surround yourself with those who are supportive of your dreams.

 *Listen to your Gut:

The key to writing your own story is to take the time to reflect on what you really want to do and want from life & then take positive steps towards it. Obviously this is never one thing because there are many things you can do. But the key is to listen to your heart and follow your intuition, otherwise known as your internal GPS. You can do this by tuning in and going with your gut, in all areas of your life.

As children we all had dreams, but sadly many of us forget about them along the way. What would your 5 year old self tell you it wants to do? What makes you tick? What do you really want from life? What does success really mean to you? What is it that puts the fire in your heart? What moves you? What is it that you absolutely love? For me it’s helping people live happier, healthier, fitter lives.

If you could live your life over again, would you do anything differently? Once you decide what you want from life then chase it – dreams need to be acted upon in order to become a reality. Dream big and follow your gut!

*Believe in yourself:

Many of us never write our own story simply because we don’t believe in ourselves. What do you believe about the things you want? I ask this because life doesn’t give you what you want – life gives you what you believe. So think about what you want, and then think about what you believe, and then your job is to line them up. You will always get what you want if you believe it enough. So believe in, and back yourself 110%.

*Step out of your comfort zone:

It’s pretty easy to grow up and put your passions aside, to take a job that you really don’t mind and raise some kids that will most likely be inspired to do the same thing, going from point A to point B to point C. There’s nothing wrong or nothing bad about that, but there’s also nothing great, and nothing inspiring about that either. It’s much safer in life to do what is common and what is expected of you, rather than to go out on a whim and write it yourself. However, the reality is that everything you really want in life is usually outside your comfort zone. You need to put your fears aside in order to achieve happiness.

Life is pretty easy, but chasing your dreams isn’t always easy – it takes a lot of courage and you just need to take action. You need to let go of the fear of failure. If you do fail to achieve some dreams, then that failure itself is part of your success. I challenge you tonight before you go to bed, to find out what your dreams are. There is nothing more important in your life than figuring this out, because when you do, you’ll be going to sleep, not to dream, but with a dream, and waking up with one. Most importantly, persevere and never give up on following your dreams and on writing your story.

*Don’t leave it too late:

People often tell me “someday I’ll write a book,” “someday I’ll travel the world,” “someday I I’ll do this and that.” The only problem with this is that ‘someday’ isn’t on the calendar, and you will never be as young as you are today to fulfil your dreams and do the things that you really want to do in life.

There’s nothing like the loss of a loved one or a cancer diagnosis to empower you to start writing your own story. However, for many this often comes too late. Don’t wait until it’s too late – instead take the initiative and start writing your story how you want to write it from today. Because life is short, and you never know what’s around the corner in life. Life can end at any time due to circumstances which are completely beyond your control. You only have one unique life, you have to make it count, and you have to make it memorable. You have to write a story that’s worthwhile reading and one that you’re happy with.

*Never compromise who you are:

We would all like to be doing ‘exactly’ what we want in life, and for the most part we can. However, the reality is that we all have to compromise in life – it’s just a matter of how much and what. Most of us know this, and as a result are accommodating to the needs of others, however where some of us become undone is when we also begin to compromise on our deepest values, needs, desires and whatever else it is that makes us happy. So ensure to never compromise who you are and what makes you tick. Don’t worry you’re not being selfish – you’re just looking after your own well-being by putting yourself first. Never feel selfish for something that you really want to do.

So remember, it’s your story, your destiny, your life. If you own the story, then you can write the ending. You and the story you write are a contribution to the world so make it count!

Q. Who’s story are you writing – yours or someone else’s?

Leave a comment below.

Rob

 

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June 3, 2018 1 comment
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RECENT POSTSWHAT YOU DO

Stay Social

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There are many things we should be doing if we want to live happier, healthier, fitter lives. But the one which is the greatest predictor of health and longevity is staying social. Staying social means;

*Having good relationships in your life – these are relationships with people whom you can count on when the going gets tough. People who you can trust to take you to the doctor if you are sick, or who can just sit with you if you’re in despair. It’s a biological imperative to know we belong and at least three stable relationships is what the research says you need here.

*Having daily social interaction – This means how much you interact with people as you go through your day. This includes not just the people you’re really close to, but also everyone else you talk to. Do you talk to the person who made your coffee, with the postman, with your neighbor? All of these different interactions are an important part of staying social.

Why staying social is important:

*It’s good for your Body:

Research shows that loneliness shortens your life as much as being a regular smoker or alcoholic. If you’re a women with breast cancer, then you are four times more likely to survive if you are not a loner. And did you know that the level of satisfaction you have with your relationships is a better predictor of physical health than your cholesterol level? Your also much more likely to suffer from a heart attack because loneliness weakens the left ventricle of your heart – your really can die of a broken heart. Staying social is not only restorative for your heart, but also bolsters your entire immune system and will literally help to save your life. Women are often much better at staying social than men, and this is a contributing factor to why women in the developed world live an average of six to eight years longer.

*It’s good for your Mind:

Good relationships don’t just protect our body; they protect our brain. Staying social sends feel-good hormones surging through the bloodstream and brain, eliminating much of the emotional and physical pain you would normally experience if you weren’t as social. It leads to less mental deterioration as you age, including better memory functions and less chance of developing dementia. It’s also an important part of overcoming all addictions.

One of the biggest causes of mental health issues is stress – and today more people are feeling stressed out than ever before. One of the most simple ways to reduce stress is by staying social. It doesn’t matter who it is – your friends, work colleagues, your therapist or so on. Having someone to talk to helps to lighten the load and has been shown to significantly reduce stress levels and increase your overall well-being.

*It’s good for your Spirit:

It’s often said that the quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships, and I couldn’t agree with this more. Everything is better in life and more fun when you have people to share it with- laughter is the pathway to the soul. We all need each other, because if we don’t then we miss out on the greatest things life has to offer – the sharing and receiving of love, encouragement and support from family and friends. Sure, things like having a nice house, car or going on nice holidays can all boost your happiness in the short term, however it’s having great relationships and regular engagement that makes you happy over the long term. At the end of the day, all you really have and all that you can leave behind in this journey we call life, is the people you have met and touched along the way. Staying social is vital to the wellbeing of your spirit – the core essence of who you are.

How social are we?

Despite the enormous benefits of staying social, almost around 50 percent of people living in westernised nations suffer from loneliness. They often feel alone and have no one to talk to, and even more feel as if no one knows them well. It’s hard to believe this is the case given that we live in a world in which we are more connected than ever before.

Barriers to staying social:

The Internet and social media – Studies show that the average person is spending up to 11 hours a day on the internet with much of it being spent on ‘social’ media. However, there is a big difference between interacting on social media as opposed to in person. It’s really important to point this out because it often passes under our conscious radar, which is why we relate online activity with the real thing. Basically, face-to-face contact which includes making eye contact with somebody, shaking hands, giving somebody a high-five is enough to release oxytocin, which increases your level of trust and lowers your cortisol levels, therefore lowering stress. And dopamine is generated, which gives us a little high and it kills pain. It’s like a naturally produced morphine. In-fact, face-to-face engagement releases a whole cascade of neurotransmitters, and like a vaccine, they protect you now in the present and well into the future. Face-to-face interaction also increases your social intelligence and creates a biological force field against disease and decline.

Being too busy – We all live increasingly busy lives these days and it really can be difficult to catch-up with family/friends. Obviously different life stages also affect this, with some stages providing less time for social engagement than others.

Other – Mental health issues either diagnosed or un-diagnosed, fear of putting yourself out there, social awkwardness, poor self-esteem, grief, estrangement of family and friends due to conflict, divorce, substance abuse and so forth. All of these things can and often become barriers to staying social.

How can we be more social?

There are lots of ways we can be more social. Some of these include;

Be fully present – How often do you go anywhere these days only to be surrounded by people glued to their mobile phone screens. Instead, make an effort to be fully present with those around you and engage in conversation. Instead of avoiding eye contact in the lift, make it – you never know who you may meet or what interesting conversation you may strike up.

Moderate your use of technology – The potential for technology to increase intimacy in your life is great, but so is its capacity to diminish it. Think about it – you can skype and send pictures to your loved one from across the world and feel close to them. But at the same time you can lose yourself endlessly looking at this machine, because you may not wish to have a difficult conversation with someone over dinner. So it is important to recognize if your time spent on your computer is increasing or diminishing your social engagement, and in particular that it doesn’t take away from your face-to-face social time. Unfortunately no amount of emoji’s is a substitute for this.

Have regular catch-ups with family and friends – In many regions of the world, such as in Calabria Italy (which is where my family is from), as people age, and indeed across their lifespans, they’re always surrounded by extended family, by friends, by neighbour’s, the grocer and so forth. People are always there or dropping by, and they are never left to live solitary lives. However, here in Australia and other similar countries, we often come home from working long hours and shut ourselves off in our houses. One in three of us live alone, with family and friends often spread over different cities and sometimes with thousands of kilometre’s in-between. If you are fortunate to have family and friends close by, then make an effort to all catch-up more often – maybe the last Sunday of the month or whatever suits.

Get involved with your community – Do you know your neighbour’s? If you don’t then this is the first place you should start – in your street, in your suburb. Also get involved with your community – the local sport club, rotary, an emergency service, a walking group, dance class, school functions, fundraising/other events or anything else. Being part of your community is a great way to be more social.

Be Intentional About it – If you want to have great relationships in your life, then you need to be intentional about doing so. Otherwise, you just drift on by and time passes and you lose contact with those who mean the most to you. We are all busy these days so if your friends don’t instigate a catch-up then you need to take the initiative and do it yourself. If you don’t have many people in your social circle then be proactive and put yourself out there. Websites like meetup and hundreds of others have made it easier than ever before to meet new people in real life with the same interests as you.

Being social includes the non-humankind – There is a reason why it’s said that a dog is a man’s best friend. Whether it’s a dog or any other animal, connecting with them plays a vital role in our overall well-being. In-fact, anyone who has never really connected with an animal before hasn’t really lived.

Connect with yourself first – The ultimate source of connection is with yourself, because once you connect with yourself on a deep level, then you actually realise that you are connected with everyone and everything else that exists. That is to say that you become one with all things. By working on yourself enough you can achieve this, and when you do you will never really feel lonely ever again, and this is so comforting. Without this connection, it is possible to feel alone even if you are in a crowded place.

So if you are not being social enough, then ensure to invest the time and energy into relationships, because we are social creatures at heart. Remember also that no-one wants to be lonely – even if they say they do. Be it a child, aging parents, friends, or the homeless person down the road, if you know anyone who is lonely, then make an effort to visit them – they will appreciate it more than you know.

Q.Are you well connected and engaged in a meaningful way with at least three other people on a regular basis?

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May 19, 2018 0 comment
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WHAT YOU CHEWRECENT POSTS

Drink Less Alcohol

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For the most part, Australians have a positive relationship with alcohol.  The majority of us drink moderately, and enjoy having a drink to relax and enjoy a meal with family and friends. However, there are those who have a more negative relationship with alcohol – consuming too much and too often.

Whilst we are aware of the risks associated with heavy alcohol use, we are largely unaware of the risks associated with moderate alcohol use. In-fact, there is an assumption that moderate use is actually good for our health. How many times have you heard that a glass of red wine is good for your heart? Yet the research behind these findings is weak at best, therefore the benefits of drinking alcohol in relation to our health have been massively exaggerated, especially when there is strong research to suggest that moderate alcohol use is not risk-free. In other words, no amount of alcohol is really safe, which is why the World Health Organisation has declared alcohol as a class 1 carcinogen.

What are the health risks?

Alcohol affects every body differently, depending upon your genetics, your diet, your gender, and your habits. Some of the risks associated with alcohol consumption include;

 *Depression & Anxiety: Alcohol changes the balance of chemicals that help your brain to think, feel, create and make decisions. Alcohol can cause symptoms of depression and/or anxiety or make an existing problem worse.

 *Poor Sleep: Ever had a couple of drinks only to find yourself lying awake in the early hours of the morning? If so then this is a rebound effect. While alcohol is a sedative, and its initial effect is to sedate, when this wears off, there is a rebound stimulant effect.

 *Weight Gain: A standard drink has around 80 calories. Research shows that most people who drink a glass of wine at home often pour double that amount into a single glass. That adds up if you’re having a glass most days of the week and is a large contributor to the obesity epidemic (our nation’s biggest issue).

 *Long-term health problems: Alcohol can cause liver cirrhosis, fatty liver, hepatitis, brain damage, heart disease, high blood pressure, and even cancer. In-fact the list of cancers caused by alcohol is growing, and includes anything which alcohol touches – cancer of the mouth, upper throat, larynx, oesophagus, breast, liver, stomach, colon and rectum. Alcohol is also a likely cause for skin, pancreatic, and prostate cancer.

Tips for drinking less:

There are many ways to reduce the amount of alcohol you consume. Some include;

 *Don’t drink if you don’t want to: Drinking alcohol is part of the Australian culture, so it can be a difficult decision to be a non-drinker. However choosing not to drink is your decision, and one that should be supported. You shouldn’t feel the need to make excuses or justify your decision to anyone. Remember you can still have fun without alcohol. If you have teenage kids then this is also a great opportunity to let them know that there are other alternatives and that alcohol doesn’t have to be part of every social gathering. And that’s because teenagers often look to their parents and other adults as role models to help them develop socially acceptable attitudes and behaviours.

 *Start with non-alcoholic drinks and alternate with alcoholic drinks: Choose non-alcoholic drinks instead, or even alternate between the two. You can even water down alcoholic drinks like wine with soda water. Also if you participate in rounds of drinks try to include some non-alcoholic drinks.

 *Set limits for yourself and stick to them: If you are planning on drinking, then ensure to set a limit to how much you will drink and then stick to it. According to the national guidelines, if you are healthy then this should include no more than two standard drinks on any day. What is a standard drink? A standard drink is any drink containing 10 grams of alcohol. One standard drink always contains the same amount of alcohol regardless of the alcohol type. For example:

Can/Stubbie mid-strength beer ≈ 1 standard drink
100ml wine (13.5% alcohol) ≈ 1 standard drink
30ml nip spirits ≈ 1 standard drink
Can spirits (approx 5-7% alcohol) ≈ 1.2 to 2.4 standard drinks

 *Aim to have more alcohol free periods: The more often you drink, the less of an affect alcohol has on you. Because of this, it becomes much easier to binge drink during social occasions in order for alcohol to provide you with the affect your after. So if you’re a regular drinker, then try to limit drinking to Friday and Saturday nights only. It may also be a good idea to stop drinking for a couple weeks, or even a month, so you can have a clean slate and then reintroduce alcohol more intentionally.

 *Decide what you want more; Alcohol or a lean body: A standard glass of wine takes about half an hour of walking to burn off. Drink two standard glasses and you need to walk for an hour. This is just to burn of what you drink, not to lose weight. So if you’re trying to lose weight (which almost 75% of Australian’s need to do), then you probably need to stop drinking alcohol altogether. Remember, if you booze, then you don’t lose.

 *Drink mindfully: If you are going to drink alcohol then take the time to smell, taste and fully experience it, with the goal of staying present. Not only will you enjoy it more (meaning you will need less to satisfy you), but you will also begin to shine a valuable light on any bad habits you may have around alcohol. You will become more mindful of your decisions and where they might lead… Do I really need that next drink? Why am I drinking? Is there anything else that will satisfy me instead of alcohol? Do I really want to end up hungover the next day? Once you become more mindful of any potential negative or simply habitual behaviours around alcohol, then you can more easily eliminate them. For example, if you notice that you mostly drink in the evening to relax and unwind from a stressful day, then what other, more healthy options could you use to de-stress? This could something as simple as running a salt bath, losing yourself in a great book or something else. The more mindfully you drink, the healthier your relationship with alcohol will become.

At the end of the day, there are very few benefits of drinking alcohol other than for the flavour itself, and for helping you to feel more relaxed, which is perfectly ok when done occasionally. However, if you are like the vast majority of Australians who already have health issues including needing to lose weight, then alcohol is not doing you many favours. The less you drink, the greater your chances are of reversing any health issues associated with alcohol.

If you or someone you know needs support and treatment to reduce your alcohol intake, you should contact either your doctor or call your state alcohol helpline.

Q.Do you drink alcohol and if so why and how often?

Rob

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May 4, 2018 0 comment
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RECENT POSTSLIVING TRUE

Be Grateful

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What does being grateful really mean?

Gratitude is the feeling we have when we experience and reflect upon something that is of value to us. This could be something which is given to us or simply a feeling which spontaneously rises in our heart when we recognise the love and blessings in our life.

Why is it important to be grateful?

Gratitude is the basis of everything. Being grateful…

*Reduces Dis-Stress/Anxiety:

All emotions stem from either love or fear. Gratitude or appreciation is of the same vibration as love, therefore when you feel grateful it makes it harder to feel distress, anxiety or any other negative emotion. Try it; think of a stressor in your life, and just sit with it for a moment. Notice what this feels like in your mind and in your body. Now think of something which you are really grateful for, and completely focus your attention upon it. Notice the shift not only in your thinking, but also in how you feel. In this way, gratitude helps further to create a more positive mindset, meaning that you are more likely to seek solutions and opportunities as opposed to giving up.

*Makes you happier:

Many of us have been led to believe that when you are happy then you are grateful. However if this were to be the case, then why are there so many people who have everything that it would take to be happy, but they are not happy? And why are there people who have very little or much misfortune, but whom radiate happiness. Why? Because they are grateful. If you’ve been to some 3rd world countries you would have seen people with very little with glowing smiles on their faces. So it is not happiness that makes us grateful, its gratefulness that makes us happy. If you want to be happy in life, then you must be grateful.

*Helps you to live life to the fullest:

When we don’t feel grateful, through our dissatisfaction we close off to and miss out on all of the good things life has to offer. In contrast, when we open our hearts and become more grateful, then we are able to experience all of the joy and gifts available to us in each and every moment, and in this way we are able to live our life to the fullest.

*Helps you to focus on what’s really important:

‘To be content with what we possess is the greatest and most secure of riches.’ Marcus Tullius Cicero

The more you practice gratitude, the more ‘content’ you become and the more you come to understand that what you really need to fulfil yourself has very little to do with the external world. In this way, gratitude helps to free yourself from having to be, do or have anything in particular – and with it much of the stress caused by chasing all things external. This doesn’t mean that you will sell all of your possessions and shift to Byron Bay. It simply means that instead of being fixated on and ‘wanting’ all of the ‘unnecessary stuff,’ you will instead by your very nature, find yourself desiring to live a much ‘simpler’ life. A life which allows more time and energy to adopt positive lifestyle behaviours, and restore balance and well-being.

*Helps you to be the best version of yourself:

Gratitude helps to deepen the connection with your authentic self by helping you to like and even love yourself more. This allows you to become more focused, more calm, more resilient, more motivated, more compassionate and much more. In short, gratitude helps you to become the best version of yourself.

How do we become more grateful?

*Don’t compare yourself with others – Your journey is your own:

In today’s consumer culture, it’s easy to compare ourselves with others whom we think have more than ourselves, which if we permit can leave us feeling less grateful and pretty low. Social media has taken this to another level, with numerous applications becoming an omnipresent force of comparison. The result being less gratitude and decreased happiness. What’s important to realise is that what most people post on social media is often only the best parts of their life, and not the chaotic stuff that goes on behind the scenes. No one’s life is ever really perfect. Hence the name ‘Fakebook.’

 ‘Your perspective on gratitude needs to come from an awakened heart that beats to the drum of your experience. When this happens you will be overwhelmed with all of your blessings.’ Anna Greco

It’s also important not to compare yourself against anyone or anything else, because your life and your journey is unique to you. It may seem that others may have more to be grateful for and sometimes they do, but that is their journey, not yours. We each have according to our own dharma, our path, and our choices, and the more we focus on our own journey instead of everyone else’s, the more blessings we can be thankful for.

It’s also useful to turn on the news once in a while to remind yourself of just how fortunate you really are compared too much of the world. There are always people out there with less than you, which is another reason to count your blessings. Which takes me on to the next point;

*Focus on what you do have:

The reality is that most of us have so much to be grateful for, much of which we often don’t appreciate until we lose them. So focus on what you do have, including your senses – your ability to hear, see, touch, taste, and feel. For your ability to walk, talk, love, laugh, play. For the fact that you live in  Australia and not North Korea or Syria, for your freedom, your ability to travel, your education, your job, your shower this morning, your bed, your food, clean water, fresh air, your clothes, your heater, the internet, for electricity – much of the world lives in darkness, for your friends and family, your pets, the earth, all of the amazing animals, and so much more.

Essentially for life itself, because life truly is a gift. And this is the real secret. Once you acknowledge that life really is so precious, then you automatically become grateful for your ability to experience life itself and everything in it. So be grateful, and celebrate life every day, not just on your birthday because every moment is precious.

*Look after your mind and your body:

Gratitude first and foremost starts with you, meaning that if you feel good about yourself, then you will feel good about life. In order to feel grateful, you need to really look after yourself by engaging in positive lifestyle behaviours such as regular exercise, healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and everything else I talk about in this blogspace. If you don’t do one of these things, then it is easy to fall out of balance, and lose gratitude.

*Remind yourself to be grateful:

Simply become aware of, and remind yourself of even one thing in your life which you are grateful for. You can find more things to be grateful for once you get into this habit.

You can write this down in a journal, or on a wall calendar where you will see it. By the end of the month you will see that you have much to be grateful for. Or if you prefer not to write it down then just say it to yourself when you’re in the shower or when you go to bed. It’s a good idea to vocalise your gratitude as it helps those around us become more grateful too.

*Change your language:

The whole idea here is to infuse everything you say with a deep sense of Gratitude instead of speaking from a place of compulsion. And we can do this by simply reframing the things we often say. For example, ‘I have to go to the gym’ (burden) ‘I get to go to the gym’ (privilege). Or ‘I have to go to work’ vs ‘I get to go to work.’

*Smile:

We smile when we are content and happy with our situation – the more we smile the more grateful we become. Don’t underestimate the power of a smile.

*Always look for the opportunities:

Life can be really hard and even unfair sometimes, and when this happens it can be difficult to feel grateful. This is ok, because we cannot be grateful for everything, including things like violence or exploitation. Instead, what we need to do when we are confronted with things which are very difficult, is to rise to this occasion and respond to the opportunity which is given to us in that given moment. And we can rise to it by often learning something which is sometimes painful. To learn, to suffer, to stand up, all of these are opportunities that are given to us and the more we avail ourselves to these opportunities, the more we are able to make something out of life. Simply open your heart do whatever the opportunity invites you to do – which mostly is the opportunity to enjoy life. This is the real challenge for each of us – to find the opportunities that exist in the present moment, instead of being dragged back into the past and becoming a victim. This is a cup half-full mentality which is not only a key towards remaining grateful, but it’s also the key to being more resilient too.

Gratitude has a positive effect on every area of your life. Don’t wait to count your blessings for if you do you will miss them and you will miss the present that is given to you in every moment of this journey called life. Instead make the time to stop and smell the roses, and be grateful for all that you have in your life each and every day.

What are you most grateful for in your life and why?

Robert

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April 20, 2018 4 comments
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RECENT POSTSWHAT YOU DO

Meditate

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What is meditation?

Many people think that meditation is about thinking about nothing, but it is not this at all. We cannot block thought and emotion. In-fact we need thought and emotion. Instead, meditation is simply the act of diverting your attention inward, in order to become more aware of, and familiarise yourself with the present moment.

Why is meditation important?

Today, we live in an incredibly busy world, where the pace of life is often frantic. It seems that we are always doing something, to the point where most of us are over-worked, over-loaded, and over-stimulated. The sad fact is that we have become so distracted in the world in which we live, that we miss out on the things that are the most important to us. In-fact, research shows that almost 50% of our life is lost in mindless thought – which directly contributes to unhappiness. What’s even crazier is that we assume that this is the way life is, and that we just have to get on with it.

In essence we have forgotten to be still, and the absence of stillness has led to increased stress and anxiety. In-fact, around 17 million Australians admit that stress is affecting both their physical and mental health.

But rather than distracting ourselves from stress, what we need most is to bring the very essence of who we are back into our lives – stillness. Just as the body needs rest, so too does the mind – especially when you consider that we have about 60,000 thoughts each day – 80% of which are negative and 95% are not original. Your mind becomes like a washing machine, whizzing around lots of difficult, confusing emotions, which we often don’t know how to deal with it.

Meditation enables you to slow down your mind enough to help you return to that place of stillness that exists between your thoughts. A place which is available to all of us in the present moment.

You cannot have happiness until you have inner peace. You cannot have inner peace until you live in the present. You cannot live in the present until you remember who you are. You cannot remember who you are until you go within and mediate.  Robert Greco

Every time you connect to this place of stillness within, you become more conscious and aware of what is real and what is not in each moment. In this way, meditation acts as a doorway to who you really are. This is essential, because knowing yourself affects everything you think, say and do in life. Knowing yourself is the not only the key to both preventing and managing stress and anxiety, but is also the secret to lasting peace and happiness.

What are the different types of Meditation?

There are 3 main types/categories of meditation:

1.Focused Attention or concentration techniques (e.g. Zen, Qi gong, Vipassana) is where you focus on a single word, thought or object, excluding all others. It may be your breath, a word, a mantra, sound, a movement, pattern or an inner or external image. The purpose is simply to better develop your sense of concentration. That way, when thoughts or emotions arise, you are able to direct your mind back to the original object of concentration. This type of meditation requires effort to sustain controlled attention on an object, and is characterised by high frequency activity in the front and core of the brain.

2.Open Monitoring includes mindfulness-based techniques, in which all experiences are allowed to pass through awareness without manipulation or control, otherwise known as non-judgemental moment-to-moment awareness. The mind is generally being trained to return to the present moment by using an object, breath, or body as an anchor. This allows us to become aware of negative thought patterns, enabling us to make conscious choices rather than being mindlessly controlled by them, and preventing us from being led into habitual negative behaviours. These techniques also help us to embrace whatever our current experience is (including emotional or physical pain) rather than trying to escape or get into a struggle and thereby amplify it. This type of meditation is characterised by theta activity primarily in the front of the brain.

 3.Automatic Self-Transcending (AST) involves neither concentration nor training the mind. ‘Automatic’ means innocence is the key here. Evaluation, control or manipulation will leave you caught up in thinking and prevent transcending. ‘AST’ includes Transcendental Meditation (TM), and the occasional expert in other techniques. It describes any technique which transcends (goes beyond) the steps of the meditation practice itself. Typically this includes resting your attention on a mellow, meaning-free one or two syllable mantra or sound in an effortless way that allows the mantra to gradually melt like a cough drop, leaving a state of inner silence. Whilst this may seem much like a focused attention practice, the method is actually more subtle and easy going than that.

Alpha brain waves (characteristic of reduced mental activity and relaxation) permeate the whole brain, which receives more oxygen. Increased blood flow occurs at the front of the brain (which is coordinating activity) while the core is more quiet, indicating alertness in the midst of deep rest, the state of transcendental or pure consciousness/silence.

Which type of Meditation is best?

Which type of meditation is best depends upon what you want to achieve and more importantly how ‘aware’ you are. As a recommendation, if you are a beginner to meditation, then I would suggest that you start with some basic concentration and mindfulness techniques. Then once you have been meditating for some time and made some progress in becoming more mindful, then I would encourage you to try TM.

Regardless of what type of meditation you choose, I would encourage you to complement your practice with yoga. This is important because many of the emotional and behavioural responses we experience occur because of previous stress which has become trapped inside of our body’s cells as distorted memories. And so no matter how much we mediate, we can only often get so far. However, by including the regular practice of yoga – both physical postures (asanas) and breathing techniques (pranayama), we can better respond to the actual demand being placed upon us in the present moment, rather than being forced into reactions pre-fabricated by our stress. In other words, full present moment awareness is actually the gift of a stress free nervous system, not just a present mind.

How do we meditate?

As suggested above, there are many different types of meditation, however one of the most simple and best places to start is to simply become aware of your breathe. Here’s how:

Sit comfortably on a chair with your back straight and unstrained in any way. Have your feet uncrossed and anchored on the floor. Place your hands on your lap in a palms up position, or whatever way you find comfortable. You can close your eyes or not – however you feel most at ease, but if your beginning with meditation, closing your eyes will help you to remain more focused.

Now just focus your attention on the feeling of your breathe coming in and going out.

Observe your breath as it goes in and out through your nostrils. Don’t try to change your breathe in any way, just observe it. As you do this you will find that it begins to slow down.

See if you can just feel one breathe, without concern for it has already gone by, without leaning forward for the very next breathe – just this one.

Now just tell yourself, let my mind become one with my breath, and continue to focus on one breathe at a time. Do this for a few minutes.

As you do this, you may have images, sounds, or emotions which arise as your mind begins to wander all over the place – what am I going to cook for dinner, did I pay the bills, etc. And that is fine – just try to stay connected to the feeling of the breath, as much as you can by just letting any thoughts flow on by. And if something comes along that is really strong and pulls you away from your breath, you might get lost in thought or even fall asleep, then don’t worry about it – just let it go.

The most important moment in the whole process is the next moment – after you have been distracted. That is the place that we practice letting go. It’s often referred to as exercising the letting go muscle. We practice letting go gently, of whatever has taken us away. And we bring our attention back to the breath to begin again.

The whole training is letting go and beginning again. You don’t have to feel like you have failed or done something wrong. It’s the conditioned habit of our attention to get distracted. So each time we discover that, we have this amazing opportunity to let go and to start over. It’s just one breathe.

Once you have done this for a few minutes, or when you feel ready, you can open your eyes or lift your gaze.

Once you get good at being aware of 1 breath, then begin to notice 2 and 3 and 4 breathes. If you can do this then you can meditate everywhere, anytime.

How long and how often should I meditate?

There are no rules on how often you should meditate, however 5-10 minutes per day is a good starting point. On top of having a structured practice, I would also suggest that you practice mindfulness as part of your everyday life, including things like mindful eating.

Remember that each time you meditate, you become more and more connected to the present and to who you really are. And so if you do this enough, then eventually, you will reach a point where you achieve full self-actualization/transcendence which is really the ultimate goal of all meditation. If and when this occurs, peace, clarity and stillness become your natural state of being, meaning that there is no longer any reason to meditate unless you want to of course.

 

Whilst bringing meditation into our daily life is not always easy to begin with, the rewards that follow far outweigh the sacrifice. By simply taking a few minutes out of your day to familiarising yourself with the present moment, you will become more in tune with who you are and with it, experience a greater sense of clarity, peace and wellbeing in your life.

So I’m curious to know, what are your experiences with meditation? Leave a comment below.

Rob

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April 7, 2018 2 comments
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WHAT YOU CHEWRECENT POSTS

Eat Mindfully

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What is mindful/intuitive eating?

In order to understand what mindful eating is, we need first to understand what mindfulness is. Mindfulness simply involves deliberately paying attention, and being fully aware of what is happening both internally (mind, body and heart) and outside yourself (your environment). It is awareness without criticism or judgement.

Mindful eating simply involves paying full attention to the experience of eating, by connecting more deeply with, and enjoying your food, before, during and after your meal.

Mindful eating is a life skill we can all learn, which leads to a more satisfying, healthy and enjoyable relationship with food. Unlike food rules or diets, with mindful eating there is no right or wrong ways to eat, but instead varying degrees of consciousness about what we are eating and why. The goal of mindful eating then, is to base our meals on physical cues, such as our bodies’ hunger signals, instead of emotional ones (comfort eating).

Why is it so important to eat mindfully?

Mindful eating enables us to hear what our body is telling us about hunger and satisfaction. It helps us become aware of ‘who’ out of the mind, body and heart is really hungry, and how and what is best to nourish it.

This is important because the busyness of life today often keeps us in our head, instead of the present which equates to mindless eating. Mindless eating eventually becomes habitual, and can lead to food addiction which is the most prevalent type of addiction today. Addiction is simply the opposite of awareness.

How can we eat more mindfully?

There are lots of way to eat more mindfully. Here are a few of my favourite tips…

Remove all distractions – Life is full of distractions and it is not uncommon for families to eat whilst fiddling with their phones, having the TV blaring in the background, reading or anything else. Such distractions make it very difficult to eat mindfully, so make it a common practice to stay distraction free when you eat.

Give Thanks

It is important to begin each meal with a thanksgiving or prayer.  It doesn’t matter whether you verbalise this out aloud or if you pause and reflect to yourself before eating. What is important is that you give thanks for your food, because through doing so, you become more mindful and appreciative of the food you are eating. For example, I don’t eat a lot of meat but if and when I do, I always pay respect to/honour and give thanks to the animal for giving up their life for me. It’s best to give thanks before your meal rather than after it.

Eat slower

Our eating habits are becoming increasingly fast paced just like our lives, with many of us often eating on the go. The problem with doing so is that it can be hard to notice what you are even eating, let alone truly savouring all the different sensations of eating it. Remember, it’s not a race – take the time to savour and enjoy your food. By doing so you are more likely to receive ‘stop-eating signals’ and notice when you are full. You’ll chew your food more, digest it more easily and find yourself noticing flavours you might otherwise have missed. If you have young children, make a game of who can chew their food the longest. Otherwise eating with chopsticks is another great way to slow things down (especially if you use them like me).

Eat in silence

Silence helps you to connect more deeply with what you are eating by anchoring you more in the present. Aim to eat at least some of your meals/snacks in silence, whether it’s at home, at work, outdoors or anywhere else. If you are too busy for a complete mindful meal, then even savour a few sips of tea in complete silence when possible.

Pay attention to your experience around eating

By paying attention to what you are experiencing around eating, you can make better choices. There are three things you should pay attention to, in order to eat more mindfully:

Pay attention to your food – Take a few breaths and a few seconds to look at your food before you commence eating. Smell its aroma, feel its texture, notice its colour and the temperature of the food. Then take a bite and really notice how each individual flavour tastes, the sounds it makes and the way it feels in your mouth. The idea is to enjoy every meal with all of your senses.

Pay attention to your body – As well as connecting to the food itself, it’s also equally important to pay attention to the experience of food in your body and how it makes you feel. When you feel hunger, observe how it feels and where you feel it. Do the same when you feel full. Is your body really hungry or is it simply your mind that is hungry/craving food? So often we mistake thirst for hunger because we are dehydrated.  If you do feel physical hunger, observe what your body craves. Which food do you need? It takes practice to distinguish between what your body actually needs versus what your mental cravings are wanting. If you pay attention, your body will let you know what food/nutrients it needs, and what you should be eating less of. If your body is not consistently craving whole, natural and healthy foods, then you are not paying enough attention to it.

Pay attention to your mind – It’s also equally important to pay attention to your mind too. Without judgement, simply observe when your mind gets distracted from away from what you are eating. Watch for the impulses that arise when you begin to eat some food; the impulse to look at your phone, to count the calories, to obsess about food groups, to turn on the TV and so forth. Simply observe these impulses and continue eating. Notice how eating is affecting your mood and your emotions as well as how your emotions like anxiety influence the way you eat. Simply stay witness to the many sensations and thoughts that come up as you eat and then just let them go. Always gently return to the present moment. The more you do this, the more you become aware of how your thoughts may be influencing your food choices, enabling you to identify triggers and replace not so good choices with healthier ones. Eventually, you will begin to regain the sense of ease and freedom with eating that you had in childhood, which is how you should be eating.

Let innate intelligence guide you

Every day we are bombarded with messages of what we should and shouldn’t be eating. It could be from the latest medical research, celebrity hype, or any one of the thousands of diets and meal plans available. The problem being that none of this advice is unique to what your body needs. This is why you have an innate intelligence which knows exactly what ‘your body’ needs to be nourished. So before you listen to anyone else, access your innate intelligence by intuitively listening to and TRUSTING both what your body wants and needs from moment to moment. This can be challenging in the beginning if trusting your body is not something you are used to doing, out of fear that you will consume a family block of chocolate and 2 bottles of wine in one sitting. The more you do this, the healthier and more regulated you’re eating habits will become. Intuitive eaters eat when their body requires nutrition and stop eating when they are satisfied, even if that means leaving food on the plate.

Remember the process, not the event

On the occasions that you do have a doughnut, chocolate or wine, never let this turn into an excuse for blowing/ruining your entire food plan. This will happen, and when it does it is important that you don’t give these setbacks the power to dictate the rest of your evening or week. Instead, use it as a catalyst to reaffirm your commitment towards doing better tomorrow. Remember that every new meal is an opportunity to practice mindful eating once again and becoming more present. This is easy when you treat each moment as its own moment. This is a new moment, and what you ate an hour ago has nothing to do with whether or not you make a choice that feels good and healthy for you now.

Practice mindfulness and self-compassion

‘Mindful people eat mindfully, Mindless people eat mindlessly.’ 

Put simply, if you are not a mindful person, then you will always struggle to have a healthy relationship with food. This is true regardless of how well you ‘try’ to do all of these other tips. I say this because mindful eating is often portrayed as a simple trick to reduce food intake, when in actual fact it is something much deeper. It is a spiritual practice which requires you to anchor yourself in the present moment regardless of what you think your body wants, what you’re feeling, what type of food is available to you, what your emotional reflexes around food are, what you learned about food as a kid or anything else.

This can be difficult, which is why it’s often said that it’s easier to kick a heroin habit than a food habit. There will be many occasions when you will make unhealthy choices, and so when this happens it is important not to be self-critical, but rather realise that real change takes time and is built on many smaller changes. Beating yourself up won’t do you any favours, so be kind and give yourself some credit for wanting to make positive changes in your life. If you are like most people, then it may take you months or even years to master mindful eating. You need to invest a large amount of time, energy and resolve to fundamentally change your entire relationship with food, and even more notably, with yourself. You can do this by practising mindfulness which you can learn more about in my next post.

Final Thoughts

Whilst old habits of eating and not paying attention are not easy to change, once you get the hang of eating mindfully, you won’t even have to think about it; instead it will just occur naturally. Until then, you will need to be mindful of being mindful. Mindful eating really does have the power to change your life and your mental and physical health in every way so ensure to stick with it. Remember to listen, trust, be kind to and give your body whatever it needs. The more you can do this, the more successful you will be.

If you have an eating disorder or addiction, whilst mindful eating is an essential part of any therapy, it is important to always seek professional advice. The best place to start is with your GP.

Q.Are you a mindful eater, and if so what helps you eat more mindfully?

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March 23, 2018 0 comment
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RECENT POSTSLIVING TRUE

Put Yourself First

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What does putting yourself first really mean?

Putting yourself first has nothing to do with being selfish. Instead, it is about living your life in a way which enables you to achieve and maintain balance and well-being.

Many of us are really bad at putting ourselves first

Every day in every way, I see examples of people not putting themselves first – and mum’s are especially like this, because of their nurturing and caring role for the family.

Why is it important to put yourself first?

By putting yourself first, it is possible to achieve and maintain balance and well-being in your life. If you don’t put yourself first, you will put others ahead of you, and this will detract from your own balance.

How can you put yourself (including your health and well-being) first?

There are lots of ways to put yourself first, but here are a few of my top tips:

 *Realize that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s – Many of us regularly put other people’s needs ahead of our own, believing that their needs are more important. We often do this because we all want to be liked and even loved by others. This is especially the case if you have low self-worth, and so if you can relate to this, then you need to work on accepting and loving yourself more fully. This includes practising self-compassion. Essentially you need to believe that your health and well-being are worth fighting for – and they are! This is so important to acknowledge because it’s only once you can do this that you can give yourself permission to put yourself first. And it’s only once you do that, that you are able to be the best version of yourself.

*Set up your Non-Negotiable’s – Most of us live busy lives these days and that’s ok, just as long as you don’t let ‘busyness’ become an excuse for not putting yourself first. A great way to do this is to create some non-negotiable’s. These are things which you must do (your top priorities) regardless of what else is going on in your day. For example, some of my daily non-negotiable’s include; 1hr of exercise, 2hrs for cooking and enjoying a meal, 8 hours sleep time, 1.5hrs undivided attention with my kids, 1/2hr relax and unwind time. And in the hours I have left in-between these activities, I then do what I need to do and that’s often a lot. In-fact, I live a crazy busy life, but the difference is that my busyness is rooted in being/well-being, instead of doing/ill-being – and this makes all of the difference.

If you’re not sure what your non-negotiable’s should be, start with all of the attributes of what you chew and do, because they are all essential to living a more balanced life. Once you figure these out, then literally block out time on your calendar to do them. Possibly use one colour for work/available time and another colour for your non-negotiable/unavailable time. Then ensure that you stick to it. On the odd occasion where this slides, instead of getting angry at yourself, just look at what you can do next time to better protect your non-negotiable time.

I also strongly suggest you become a morning person if you are not already one – this is often the best time to get things done when you are busy.

 *Get really good at saying ‘No’

‘Being busy is different to being over-committed which is what happens when you cannot say no.’

If there is one trait that all really successful people have in common, it’s that they are all good at saying ‘no.’ This is because they understand that time is a finite resource, meaning you really only have so much of it. It’s important to understand that every time you say ‘yes’ to something, you are effectively say ‘no’ to something else. For example, when you say yes to working overtime, then you may be saying no to cooking dinner, no to going to the gym, no to spending time with your kids, or anything else. In other words everything is a trade-off, and it’s ok to do this, just as long as your life is in balance. If not, then you need to get really good at saying no, which in the beginning, can be much more difficult than saying yes. This is because whilst trying not to care what other people think of us, we all want to be liked. And by saying no we think we are being selfish, but even worse, other people might think that we are being selfish.

So how do we get good at saying no? First you must have a go-to-response when people ask you for favours. Something simple like, “That doesn’t work for me at this time”—is sufficient. Saying no is also much easier to do when you reconnect with and are clear about your priorities – otherwise your reasons for saying no seem unimportant, and it’s easier just to say yes. It’s also important to tell the truth too – untrue excuses lead to further entanglements and greater stress. Lying sends your unconscious the message that there’s something wrong with saying no – which is untrue. Once you have made your decision then stick to it, instead of letting yourself being talked out of it. Do this by focusing on the good things that will come from saying no, and not the regret or guilt you might feel from saying yes when you really didn’t want to.

*Outsource – Outsourcing small portions of your life allows you to save time and spend it elsewhere – including on yourself. If you are over-committed and find it hard to get everything done, then sometimes it’s a good idea to hire some external help. This could include things like washing, ironing, cleaning, admin work, odd handyman jobs, or anything else. Websites such as airtasker have made this process easier and more affordable than ever before. Outsource everything that will lighten your load, simplify your life, and put yourself first without feeling bad about it.

*Listen to how you feel – Try to become more mindful of how you feel- both mentally and physically. Are you hydrated? Are you stressed? Are you tired? Are your muscles tight? Are you low on energy? By becoming more aware of how you feel, you can better monitor whether or not you are in balance. If you are not in balance, then you need to put yourself first, and less energy into everything else.

*Don’t wait forever to put yourself first – Many of us seem to be waiting for a clearing period in our life or that ‘one day’ where we will have the time, money and focus to put ourselves, including our well-being first. I know this because I coach people all of the time who eventually come and see me after a lifetime of always putting their well-being last. Often they are in such terrible shape – both physically and mentally, that it’s difficult to undo the many years of neglect.

If you were good at creating a clearing in your life, you would have had one by now. When was the last time you actually arrived at the perfect time and place, with all of the time, money and focus you needed? It’s a fairytale! Begin it now rather than waiting for all the lights to turn green.

Putting yourself first is essential when it comes to living a more balanced, and therefore a happier, healthier, fitter life. If you are not putting yourself first, then you are not living true – both to yourself and to the ones whom you love the most. Whilst putting yourself first may be difficult in the beginning, it quickly gets easier as you begin to realise just how much better your feel and function. So much so that you will begin to get annoyed at yourself when you haven’t put yourself first, at which point it will become habitual and part of your everyday lifestyle.

Q.Is your life in balance and if not, then when and how will you start putting yourself first?

Rob

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March 10, 2018 2 comments
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