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Write Your Own Story

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Definition: ‘Writing your own story:’

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. Thomas Jefferson.

Did you know that the Latin root of the word “authenticity” is “author.” To write your own story means to be the authentic author of your life. This includes knowing and living true to your highest values and continuing to do so when you experience adversity or hit cross roads in life. It means to live life on your own terms – in consideration of your needs and desires. To ‘own it’ and to intentionally make decisions that steer your life in whatever direction you choose. It means chasing your dreams and doing what you love and what makes you happy. You’re in the driver’s seat.

Why is it important?

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. – Maya Angelou

If you are not writing your own story, then you are simply a character in someone else’s story. Sure there is nothing wrong with doing this, but it will most likely be a mediocre life, with less happiness and increased stress.

If on the other hand, you want to live a happy and fulfilling life, then you need to write your own story. Whether you want to live a simple life or more exhilarating one doesn’t matter – what matters is that you live the life that ‘you’ want to live. Writing your own story makes you feel empowered because you are standing in your own power and in control of what you do and don’t want in life.

Writing your own story gives you a sense of purpose, and we all know that the best stories are the ones that have a purpose. When you do what you love, you have much more gratitude, and you achieve so much more in your life. Writing your own story and chasing your dreams lights a fire in your heart and whether you reach it or not it warms everyone and everything around you. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we were all inspired, if we all chased our dreams? I know I feel inspired chasing my dreams! Most importantly writing your own story makes you happy and you can’t put a price on that!

Are you writing your own story?

There comes a point when you need to stop reading other people’s books and write your own. – Albert Einstein

Are you writing your own story, or are you following other people’s story? Are you living the dream – your dream? Are you just plotting through life according to other people’s wants, desires, expectations and dreams? If you are not writing your own story you need to start, especially if you’ve found yourself in the wrong story.

How do we write our own story?

Start with Once Upon a Time… Here are some of my top tips when it comes to writing your own story:

*Be careful not to let others write your story:

If you don’t write your own story then others will write it for you.

If you were to look back upon your story thus far today, you would likely find that part of your story comes from your own choices but part of it also comes from your environment too – namely via the projection of others. Often this starts at birth, with our parents and siblings. In-fact, so much of this influence is unspoken – meaning that their influence is subtle yet powerful through their values, including the way they behave and live their life. And as we grow up, this circle of influence extends to relatives, friends, teachers, work mates.

Regardless of who it is, all of these people can affect both how you perceive and interact with the world including how you write your story. I suppose from a young age, parents probably have the biggest influence on the outcome of your story, because from a young age your values are so heavily influenced by their own. However, although it’s often always from good intentions, if you are not careful, then it is easy to let them or anyone else write your story – and especially so if you look up to them. This isn’t a bad thing if you’re happy with the story they have helped you write. However it’s just that sometimes they just can lay out quite a narrow path for you to success, and they can make you feel like if you don’t go down this path you will be a failure.

It’s one thing to take advice from others but it’s another thing altogether to live your life the way they want you to live it. Sometimes if we are not careful, we can let others influence our story more than we know. Have you sold out on your dreams in order to make those whom you love and respect happy? Remember to always surround yourself with those who are supportive of your dreams.

*Listen to your Gut:

The key to writing your own story is to take the time to reflect on what you really want to do and want from life & then take positive steps towards it. Obviously this is never one thing because there are many things you can do. But the key is to listen to your heart and follow your intuition, otherwise known as your internal GPS. You can do this by tuning in and going with your gut, in all areas of your life.

As children we all had dreams, but sadly many of us forget about them along the way. What would your 5 year old self tell you it wants to do? What makes you tick? What do you really want from life? What does success really mean to you? What is it that puts the fire in your heart? What moves you? What is it that you absolutely love? For me it’s helping people live happier, healthier, fitter lives.

If you could live your life over again, would you do anything differently? Once you decide what you want from life then chase it – dreams need to be acted upon in order to become a reality. Dream big and follow your gut!

*Believe in yourself:

Many of us never write our own story simply because we don’t believe in ourselves. What do you believe about the things you want? I ask this because life doesn’t give you what you want – life gives you what you believe. So think about what you want, and then think about what you believe, and then your job is to line them up. You will always get what you want if you believe it enough. So believe in, and back yourself 110%.

*Step out of your comfort zone:

It’s pretty easy to grow up and put your passions aside, to take a job that you really don’t mind and raise some kids that will most likely be inspired to do the same thing, going from point A to point B to point C. There’s nothing wrong or nothing bad about that, but there’s also nothing great, and nothing inspiring about that either. It’s much safer in life to do what is common and what is expected of you, rather than to go out on a whim and write it yourself. However, the reality is that everything you really want in life is usually outside your comfort zone. You need to put your fears aside in order to achieve happiness.

Life is pretty easy, but chasing your dreams isn’t always easy – it takes a lot of courage and you just need to take action. You need to let go of the fear of failure. If you do fail to achieve some dreams, then that failure itself is part of your success. I challenge you tonight before you go to bed, to find out what your dreams are. There is nothing more important in your life than figuring this out, because when you do, you’ll be going to sleep, not to dream, but with a dream, and waking up with one. Most importantly, persevere and never give up on following your dreams and on writing your story.

*Don’t leave it too late:

People often tell me “someday I’ll write a book,” “someday I’ll travel the world,” “someday I I’ll do this and that.” The only problem with this is that ‘someday’ isn’t on the calendar, and you will never be as young as you are today to fulfil your dreams and do the things that you really want to do in life.

There’s nothing like the loss of a loved one or a cancer diagnosis to empower you to start writing your own story. However, for many this often comes too late. Don’t wait until it’s too late – instead take the initiative and start writing your story how you want to write it from today. Because life is short, and you never know what’s around the corner in life. Life can end at any time due to circumstances which are completely beyond your control. You only have one unique life, you have to make it count, and you have to make it memorable. You have to write a story that’s worthwhile reading and one that you’re happy with.

*Never compromise who you are:

We would all like to be doing ‘exactly’ what we want in life, and for the most part we can. However, the reality is that we all have to compromise in life – it’s just a matter of how much and what. Most of us know this, and as a result are accommodating to the needs of others, however where some of us become undone is when we also begin to compromise on our deepest values, needs, desires and whatever else it is that makes us happy. So ensure to never compromise who you are and what makes you tick. Don’t worry you’re not being selfish – you’re just looking after your own well-being by putting yourself first. Never feel selfish for something that you really want to do.

So remember, it’s your story, your destiny, your life. If you own the story, then you can write the ending. You and the story you write are a contribution to the world so make it count!

Q. Who’s story are you writing – yours or someone else’s?

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Be Grateful

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What does being grateful really mean?

Gratitude is the feeling we have when we experience and reflect upon something that is of value to us. This could be something which is given to us or simply a feeling which spontaneously rises in our heart when we recognise the love and blessings in our life.

Why is it important to be grateful?

Gratitude is the basis of everything. Being grateful…

*Reduces Dis-Stress/Anxiety:

All emotions stem from either love or fear. Gratitude or appreciation is of the same vibration as love, therefore when you feel grateful it makes it harder to feel distress, anxiety or any other negative emotion. Try it; think of a stressor in your life, and just sit with it for a moment. Notice what this feels like in your mind and in your body. Now think of something which you are really grateful for, and completely focus your attention upon it. Notice the shift not only in your thinking, but also in how you feel. In this way, gratitude helps further to create a more positive mindset, meaning that you are more likely to seek solutions and opportunities as opposed to giving up.

*Makes you happier:

Many of us have been led to believe that when you are happy then you are grateful. However if this were to be the case, then why are there so many people who have everything that it would take to be happy, but they are not happy? And why are there people who have very little or much misfortune, but whom radiate happiness. Why? Because they are grateful. If you’ve been to some 3^rd world countries you would have seen people with very little with glowing smiles on their faces. So it is not happiness that makes us grateful, its gratefulness that makes us happy. If you want to be happy in life, then you must be grateful.

*Helps you to live life to the fullest:

When we don’t feel grateful, through our dissatisfaction we close off to and miss out on all of the good things life has to offer. In contrast, when we open our hearts and become more grateful, then we are able to experience all of the joy and gifts available to us in each and every moment, and in this way we are able to live our life to the fullest.

*Helps you to focus on what’s really important:

‘To be content with what we possess is the greatest and most secure of riches.’ Marcus Tullius Cicero

The more you practice gratitude, the more ‘content’ you become and the more you come to understand that what you really need to fulfil yourself has very little to do with the external world. In this way, gratitude helps to free yourself from having to be, do or have anything in particular – and with it much of the stress caused by chasing all things external. This doesn’t mean that you will sell all of your possessions and shift to Byron Bay. It simply means that instead of being fixated on and ‘wanting’ all of the ‘unnecessary stuff,’ you will instead by your very nature, find yourself desiring to live a much ‘simpler’ life. A life which allows more time and energy to adopt positive lifestyle behaviours, and restore balance and well-being.

*Helps you to be the best version of yourself:

Gratitude helps to deepen the connection with your authentic self by helping you to like and even love yourself more. This allows you to become more focused, more calm, more resilient, more motivated, more compassionate and much more. In short, gratitude helps you to become the best version of yourself.

How do we become more grateful?

*Don’t compare yourself with others – Your journey is your own:

In today’s consumer culture, it’s easy to compare ourselves with others whom we think have more than ourselves, which if we permit can leave us feeling less grateful and pretty low. Social media has taken this to another level, with numerous applications becoming an omnipresent force of comparison. The result being less gratitude and decreased happiness. What’s important to realise is that what most people post on social media is often only the best parts of their life, and not the chaotic stuff that goes on behind the scenes. No one’s life is ever really perfect. Hence the name ‘Fakebook.’

‘Your perspective on gratitude needs to come from an awakened heart that beats to the drum of your experience. When this happens you will be overwhelmed with all of your blessings.’ Anna Greco

It’s also important not to compare yourself against anyone or anything else, because your life and your journey is unique to you. It may seem that others may have more to be grateful for and sometimes they do, but that is their journey, not yours. We each have according to our own dharma, our path, and our choices, and the more we focus on our own journey instead of everyone else’s, the more blessings we can be thankful for.

It’s also useful to turn on the news once in a while to remind yourself of just how fortunate you really are compared too much of the world. There are always people out there with less than you, which is another reason to count your blessings. Which takes me on to the next point;

*Focus on what you do have:

The reality is that most of us have so much to be grateful for, much of which we often don’t appreciate until we lose them. So focus on what you do have, including your senses – your ability to hear, see, touch, taste, and feel. For your ability to walk, talk, love, laugh, play. For the fact that you live in Australia and not North Korea or Syria, for your freedom, your ability to travel, your education, your job, your shower this morning, your bed, your food, clean water, fresh air, your clothes, your heater, the internet, for electricity – much of the world lives in darkness, for your friends and family, your pets, the earth, all of the amazing animals, and so much more.

Essentially for life itself, because life truly is a gift. And this is the real secret. Once you acknowledge that life really is so precious, then you automatically become grateful for your ability to experience life itself and everything in it. So be grateful, and celebrate life every day, not just on your birthday because every moment is precious.

*Look after your mind and your body:

Gratitude first and foremost starts with you, meaning that if you feel good about yourself, then you will feel good about life. In order to feel grateful, you need to really look after yourself by engaging in positive lifestyle behaviours such as regular exercise, healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and everything else I talk about in this blogspace. If you don’t do one of these things, then it is easy to fall out of balance, and lose gratitude.

*Remind yourself to be grateful:

Simply become aware of, and remind yourself of even one thing in your life which you are grateful for. You can find more things to be grateful for once you get into this habit.

You can write this down in a journal, or on a wall calendar where you will see it. By the end of the month you will see that you have much to be grateful for. Or if you prefer not to write it down then just say it to yourself when you’re in the shower or when you go to bed. It’s a good idea to vocalise your gratitude as it helps those around us become more grateful too.

*Change your language:

The whole idea here is to infuse everything you say with a deep sense of Gratitude instead of speaking from a place of compulsion. And we can do this by simply reframing the things we often say. For example, ‘I have to go to the gym’ (burden) ‘I get to go to the gym’ (privilege). Or ‘I have to go to work’ vs ‘I get to go to work.’

*Smile:

We smile when we are content and happy with our situation – the more we smile the more grateful we become. Don’t underestimate the power of a smile.

*Always look for the opportunities:

Life can be really hard and even unfair sometimes, and when this happens it can be difficult to feel grateful. This is ok, because we cannot be grateful for everything, including things like violence or exploitation. Instead, what we need to do when we are confronted with things which are very difficult, is to rise to this occasion and respond to the opportunity which is given to us in that given moment. And we can rise to it by often learning something which is sometimes painful. To learn, to suffer, to stand up, all of these are opportunities that are given to us and the more we avail ourselves to these opportunities, the more we are able to make something out of life. Simply open your heart do whatever the opportunity invites you to do – which mostly is the opportunity to enjoy life. This is the real challenge for each of us – to find the opportunities that exist in the present moment, instead of being dragged back into the past and becoming a victim. This is a cup half-full mentality which is not only a key towards remaining grateful, but it’s also the key to being more resilient too.

Gratitude has a positive effect on every area of your life. Don’t wait to count your blessings for if you do you will miss them and you will miss the present that is given to you in every moment of this journey called life. Instead make the time to stop and smell the roses, and be grateful for all that you have in your life each and every day.

What are you most grateful for in your life and why?

Robert

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April 20, 2018 4 comments

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Put Yourself First

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What does putting yourself first really mean?

Putting yourself first has nothing to do with being selfish. Instead, it is about living your life in a way which enables you to achieve and maintain balance and well-being.

Many of us are really bad at putting ourselves first

Every day in every way, I see examples of people not putting themselves first – and mum’s are especially like this, because of their nurturing and caring role for the family.

Why is it important to put yourself first?

By putting yourself first, it is possible to achieve and maintain balance and well-being in your life. If you don’t put yourself first, you will put others ahead of you, and this will detract from your own balance.

How can you put yourself (including your health and well-being) first?

There are lots of ways to put yourself first, but here are a few of my top tips:

*Realize that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s – Many of us regularly put other people’s needs ahead of our own, believing that their needs are more important. We often do this because we all want to be liked and even loved by others. This is especially the case if you have low self-worth, and so if you can relate to this, then you need to work on accepting and loving yourself more fully. This includes practising self-compassion. Essentially you need to believe that your health and well-being are worth fighting for – and they are! This is so important to acknowledge because it’s only once you can do this that you can give yourself permission to put yourself first. And it’s only once you do that, that you are able to be the best version of yourself.

*Set up your Non-Negotiable’s – Most of us live busy lives these days and that’s ok, just as long as you don’t let ‘busyness’ become an excuse for not putting yourself first. A great way to do this is to create some non-negotiable’s. These are things which you must do (your top priorities) regardless of what else is going on in your day. For example, some of my daily non-negotiable’s include; 1hr of exercise, 2hrs for cooking and enjoying a meal, 8 hours sleep time, 1.5hrs undivided attention with my kids, 1/2hr relax and unwind time. And in the hours I have left in-between these activities, I then do what I need to do and that’s often a lot. In-fact, I live a crazy busy life, but the difference is that my busyness is rooted in being/well-being, instead of doing/ill-being – and this makes all of the difference.

If you’re not sure what your non-negotiable’s should be, start with all of the attributes of what you chew and do, because they are all essential to living a more balanced life. Once you figure these out, then literally block out time on your calendar to do them. Possibly use one colour for work/available time and another colour for your non-negotiable/unavailable time. Then ensure that you stick to it. On the odd occasion where this slides, instead of getting angry at yourself, just look at what you can do next time to better protect your non-negotiable time.

I also strongly suggest you become a morning person if you are not already one – this is often the best time to get things done when you are busy.

*Get really good at saying ‘No’

‘Being busy is different to being over-committed which is what happens when you cannot say no.’

If there is one trait that all really successful people have in common, it’s that they are all good at saying ‘no.’ This is because they understand that time is a finite resource, meaning you really only have so much of it. It’s important to understand that every time you say ‘yes’ to something, you are effectively say ‘no’ to something else. For example, when you say yes to working overtime, then you may be saying no to cooking dinner, no to going to the gym, no to spending time with your kids, or anything else. In other words everything is a trade-off, and it’s ok to do this, just as long as your life is in balance. If not, then you need to get really good at saying no, which in the beginning, can be much more difficult than saying yes. This is because whilst trying not to care what other people think of us, we all want to be liked. And by saying no we think we are being selfish, but even worse, other people might think that we are being selfish.

So how do we get good at saying no? First you must have a go-to-response when people ask you for favours. Something simple like, “That doesn’t work for me at this time”—is sufficient. Saying no is also much easier to do when you reconnect with and are clear about your priorities – otherwise your reasons for saying no seem unimportant, and it’s easier just to say yes. It’s also important to tell the truth too – untrue excuses lead to further entanglements and greater stress. Lying sends your unconscious the message that there’s something wrong with saying no – which is untrue. Once you have made your decision then stick to it, instead of letting yourself being talked out of it. Do this by focusing on the good things that will come from saying no, and not the regret or guilt you might feel from saying yes when you really didn’t want to.

*Outsource – Outsourcing small portions of your life allows you to save time and spend it elsewhere – including on yourself. If you are over-committed and find it hard to get everything done, then sometimes it’s a good idea to hire some external help. This could include things like washing, ironing, cleaning, admin work, odd handyman jobs, or anything else. Websites such as airtasker have made this process easier and more affordable than ever before. Outsource everything that will lighten your load, simplify your life, and put yourself first without feeling bad about it.

*Listen to how you feel – Try to become more mindful of how you feel- both mentally and physically. Are you hydrated? Are you stressed? Are you tired? Are your muscles tight? Are you low on energy? By becoming more aware of how you feel, you can better monitor whether or not you are in balance. If you are not in balance, then you need to put yourself first, and less energy into everything else.

*Don’t wait forever to put yourself first – Many of us seem to be waiting for a clearing period in our life or that ‘one day’ where we will have the time, money and focus to put ourselves, including our well-being first. I know this because I coach people all of the time who eventually come and see me after a lifetime of always putting their well-being last. Often they are in such terrible shape – both physically and mentally, that it’s difficult to undo the many years of neglect.

If you were good at creating a clearing in your life, you would have had one by now. When was the last time you actually arrived at the perfect time and place, with all of the time, money and focus you needed? It’s a fairytale! Begin it now rather than waiting for all the lights to turn green.

Putting yourself first is essential when it comes to living a more balanced, and therefore a happier, healthier, fitter life. If you are not putting yourself first, then you are not living true – both to yourself and to the ones whom you love the most. Whilst putting yourself first may be difficult in the beginning, it quickly gets easier as you begin to realise just how much better your feel and function. So much so that you will begin to get annoyed at yourself when you haven’t put yourself first, at which point it will become habitual and part of your everyday lifestyle.

Q.Is your life in balance and if not, then when and how will you start putting yourself first?

Rob

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March 10, 2018 2 comments

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Take responsibility for yourself

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What does taking responsibility for yourself really mean?

Taking responsibility for yourself means being accountable for everything which is within your power or control. It’s about doing the things you are expected to do and owning the negative or positive outcomes of your thoughts and actions. This includes self-respect, that you respect yourself enough, and that you are truthful with yourself. And most importantly, it’s about realizing that you always have a choice; knowing that different decisions will lead you to different outcomes.

Why is it important to take responsibility for yourself?

Research tells us that out of anything, the biggest determinant of success in life is having strong ‘self-control.’ Taking responsibility for yourself is important because if you don’t, then any problems you may have remain outside of yourself, and with that out of your own control. You are literally giving away your personal power to external forces, rendering you powerless towards positive change.

This is better known as having a ‘victim’ mentality. Victims often have the outlook that life is not up to them but rather that it is just happens ‘around’ or ‘to’ them. They tend to go around in circles doing the same things again even if it doesn’t work. They often complain and blame anyone or anything else other than themselves for their dissatisfaction of life. This could include the economy, the weather, an injury, a past relationship, their parents, their age or anything else in their environment. After all, it’s much easier to play the blame game, than to take responsibility for their own success. This often becomes a habit for most, and so they continue to sit around feeling sorry for themselves and waiting for their life to change instead of engaging in it which is a real waste. And then before they know it, life ends up passing them by.

In contrast, when you take responsibility for yourself, then change not only becomes possible, but inevitable. That’s because when you stand in your own power, you naturally become empowered towards positive change. And with this, new solutions and opportunities begin to arise. In-fact, the moment you accept responsibility for yourself is the same moment you gain the power to change anything in your life.

Sure, sometimes life hands us a lemon, but we can either choose to be bitter about it or choose to ‘make lemonade.’ By make lemonade, I mean that we have to make the most of the situation; we have to find the best way out, the opportunity and the solution in there, as there is always something we can do. And whilst we definitely can’t control everything in life, we can control the way we respond, and this is the key. It is only by taking responsibility for our self, that we can begin to consciously co-create the life that we want, instead of the one that we don’t.

Taking responsibility helps you to attract what you want

When you take responsibility for yourself, then you begin to focus on the things you want and need to do. And once you do, then a remarkable thing starts to happen – you begin to attract more of the things you want and less of the things you don’t. This is the opposite to those who have a victim mentality, who are unconsciously creating what they do not want. This is why it is also important to trust and believe in the magic of life – because the world will provide for you what you want or need, but only once you take responsibility for and begin working towards it.

In saying that, you can’t just sit around and expect things to come to you or for your life to change. Nothing else, or no-one else can make you happy, healthy and fit; you have to do it yourself! Sure let others help you, but at the end of the day the buck stops with you. No one is going to save you – not even God. Instead, you need to take 100% responsibility and initiative for yourself. Stop blaming your circumstances and outside influences on what you are able to change. Remember, if you want results then you can’t have excuses. When you come to a point of awareness you cannot ignore this – with knowledge comes responsibility. The universe is giving you an opportunity to grow. If you know better, then you must rise to the challenge and be better. Taking responsibility for yourself is a very liberating way to live your life, because suddenly you are in control of it – and that is so powerful.

When not to take responsibility

Whilst we can control many things, we cannot control everything. Doing so can make us too self-critical and affect both our self-worth and our self-efficacy. So please, don’t take responsibility for anything out of your control. This includes most things which are outside of yourself. Something that many of us often take responsibility for when we shouldn’t is other people. And it can be hard not too, especially when they are people whom we really love and care about.

I say this because most of us struggle to find the time and energy to manage our own life, let alone being responsible for and worrying about other people’s lives too. Instead, give yourself permission to detach and let others own their own life. By doing so, you will free yourself up to live your own life without feeling drained all of the time.

Obviously the exception to this is if you are a carer for someone who has special needs, is unwell, or if you have younger kids, who are dependent upon your love, support and guidance to thrive and even survive. However this also comes with a cautionary warning too – don’t shelter or try to rescue your kids too much otherwise they will grow up with very little resilience, which is what we are facing a generation off today. Instead give them some responsibility, let them learn and grow from their mistakes and then give them a little more. All you can do is teach them to be responsible for themselves, and then they have to walk and own their own path in life. As they do, they will learn their own lessons because experience is the greatest teacher.

Many people try to avoid responsibility for their bad behaviours by blaming others for causing it. It’s probably a good idea to stay away from people who can’t take responsibility for their own actions. You cannot accept blame or try to fix things for them when you’ve done nothing wrong. They need to learn that if they want different outcomes they will have to make different choices. Eventually they will run out of things or people to blame at which point they will only be able to blame themselves.

It’s all up to you

Remember you cannot blame anything or anyone else for where you are at in life right now. Through your own choices, you are responsible – no-one else. Simply accept and learn from your mistakes and move on with your life. Whilst everything that has happened to you up until now has influenced who you are today, you are responsible for who you will become tomorrow. So whatever it is you want to do – lose weight, become healthier, do your dream job, build wealth, travel, meet a partner, it all starts with taking responsibility for yourself. Each day is a new opportunity to create this for yourself. You can have a victim mentality or a victorious mentality – it’s your choice, but I know which one I choose. As long as you are always trying to better yourself then you can’t go wrong.

What do you need to take responsibility in your life for today, that will help you live a happier, healthier, fitter tomorrow?

Rob

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January 25, 2018 6 comments

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Be The Bigger Person

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What is being the bigger person?

Many of us have heard about the notion ‘be the bigger person,’ but what does this really mean? Well it definitely doesn’t mean eating more. Put simply, being the bigger person means to live and interact in the world in a way which better allows us to get along with each other. The result being more peaceful, rewarding and meaningful relationships in our life.

Why is it important to be the bigger person?

If you are not being the bigger person, then chances are that you are experiencing conflict within your relationships to some degree. How many families and friends do you know whom are free of conflict of some sort? Be it the royals, celebrities, or anyone else, most are riddled with drama. Whether it’s a sibling not talking to a parent, this friend not talking to that friend, that partner not talking to their ex, or anything else. And it’s a similar story within workplaces too. The fact that there are so many lonely people within families is a real tragedy.

Apart from the damage this does to relationships, the stress of these interactions can literally suck the energy out of you and rob you of joy in each and every moment. And this is true regardless of the fact that it may have been in the past, if you try not to think about it, or even if you no longer see the person anymore/have removed yourself from the situation. In this way, it is important that you strive to be the bigger person, because doing so allows you to live more in the now and enjoy life, which equates to a happier, healthier, fitter you. It’s simple – the more we get along the less stressed we are.

How can we be the bigger person?

At its core, being the bigger person is largely about compassion and understanding, and there are lots of ways we can do this, but here are a few of the key ones…

Act, don’t React

The key here is to know what ‘pushes your buttons.’ Instead of getting upset with the other person/situation (both of which are powerless without your reaction) and getting drawn into their ‘stuff,’ step back and take a deep breath whilst trying to remain calm. This will prevent your actions following any undesirable thoughts in your head. Remember, rise above instead of sinking down to their level. If you have anything negative to say then instead of reacting don’t say anything at all – instead simply go quite. As you do this, try to just listen and remain curious and by doing so you will better able to connect with the why they are reacting/behaving that way they are/see the situation for what it is. They could just be having a bad day, or it could be something deeper where they are acting from a place of fear. If this is the case then try to have compassion for them. Not only will this make you feel better by not losing your cool and giving your power/energy away, but by not reacting you will also teach them about balance and compassion too. Try to be slow to anger and quick to forgive.

Don’t Personalize Things

We often get hurt when we personalise things such as negative comments or actions from others. And the moment you personalise things, is the moment you react. What we need to realise is that none of these things should ever be taken personally. When you know and live true to who you are, then very little of what people say or do, will affect you. In other words you no longer personalise anything – it’s like ‘Water off a ducks back’. This is partly due to the fact that you are no longer subconsciously seeking their approval and are no longer concerned whether you are liked or not. It’s also due to the fact that as you get to know more about yourself then you also become much more understanding of others too. Ensure to always spend some time each week learning more about your true nature and eventually you will find that being the bigger person will come more naturally to you. The more work we do on ourselves, the more we operate from our heart centre instead of our rational mind, and the more compassionate we become.

Forgive

Forgiveness is something which so many people struggle with, and often because they cannot come to grips with the hurt caused. But the reality is that anyone who has ever done anything to hurt you or your loved ones has done so because they simply know no better. This includes the fact that they have been hurt themselves – hurt people hurt others. You might think that they know better, but if they really did, then they wouldn’t have hurt you in the first place. So regardless of what situation or injustice has happened in your life and how unfair it may seem, you need to let it go. Remember, the reason to forgive, has nothing to do with the other person, but rather is for your own sake. And you can’t get the last 24 hours back let alone the last 10 years so don’t hold onto grudges. So say to the people in your life what you need to because otherwise it may be too late… Never would off, could off, should off – instead forgive them and let go. Forgiving another person doesn’t mean you need to be their friend – you may still dislike them and that’s ok.

We all know people who wouldn’t apologize even if they chopped of your arm and we have to be careful here that we don’t sit in self-righteous resentment instead of forgiveness. This is where we won’t forgive first out of the need to be right, prove a point or because we are scared that the person will not forgive us back. Don’t try and point score – instead be the first to forgive. It takes a big person to forgive someone who has not admitted that they may have done wrong or who hasn’t apologized, but doing so frees you up to live your life by bringing you back into your power. It also helps them get on with their life too. You know you have truly forgiven someone or yourself when you remember it without having bitterness, as well as having a sense a gratitude for having learnt the lessons you have learnt.

Often the hardest person to forgive in life is ourselves. If you have done something to hurt another then stop wasting energy trying to cover your mistakes and instead acknowledge your wrongs and own it. People are generally very forgiving because we all make mistakes and it’s not what you do wrong but rather your unwillingness to deal with it that makes people angry. People don’t have much tolerance with people who refuse to be honest – no one expects you to be perfect!

Don’t judge

Sometimes we are quick to judge others because we focus on what makes us different, including things like our body, job, age, wealth, education or anything else. Instead, we should focus on what makes us similar, like the fact that we all have two eyes, one heart, and we all came from and will eventually return back to the same place when we pass over. As we do this, then those small differences become something to be celebrated, rather than frowned upon. In-fact, it’s what makes the world so interesting. ‘Namaste’ is a Sanskrit word which roughly translates to ‘the God in me sees the god in you.’ Can you look at others and see the God in them? And can you love them the way that God loves you? This has nothing to do with religion.

Another way we can be less judgemental is to remember that everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. In-fact, we are all suffering, some just more so than others. There is always more than meets the eye because everyone has a story, so never judge and assume anything about anyone. By doing so you will find out a lot more about who they are/their situation, instead of just hearing what you want to hear. This also includes not gossiping about others too.

Often the person we judge the most is ourselves, and most of the time we don’t even realise we are doing it. Be mindful of negative self-talk, and stop being so hard on yourself. As long as you are doing your best in everything that you do, you cannot do any more than that.

Being the bigger person is not about doing the easy thing, it’s about doing the right thing. The key is to be intentional about being so – to choose to have peace and harmonious relationships in your life, instead of drama. So think about your own life, and what you need to do to be the bigger person.

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Q.Is there a situation in your life where you have been the bigger person? I’m sure there are many, I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Merry Christmas

Rob

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December 15, 2017 4 comments

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Live in the Present

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What is living in the present?

Many of us have heard about the need to live more in ‘the present,’ but what does this really mean?

There are different levels of being present, but it basically means to be conscious, aware and in the present with all of your senses. That is, your awareness is completely centred on the here and now. It means not dwelling on or thinking about the past, nor being anxious or worrying about the future.

Why is it so important to live in the present?

It is essential that we live in the present because this is the only moment that really exists – everything/life happens in the now. It is simply all we have. As such, both the past and the future only exist in your mind. The past is gone, meaning it can’t be changed. Whilst the future is not guaranteed, meaning we are never sure what direction our life will go. Therefore if you are not living in the present, then you are simply not living in reality and with that you are not living true.

But I suppose the real reason why it’s important to live in the present is because everything that you truly desire in life, including good health and happiness exists only in the present. That’s why it’s called the ‘present’ – it’s a gift. Obviously the opposite is also true – the more you live in the past and future the more you experience fear bases emotions such as depression and anxiety.

How do we live in the present?

Despite the fundamental importance of living in the present, there seems to be much confusion of how best to do so. But essentially, there are really 2 main ways to live in the present…

1.The first and easier way is to ‘try to live more in the present:’

The idea here being to become more fully absorbed in the present moment by shifting out attention away from both the past and future and instead focusing on whatever it is we are doing.

In a negative way this includes many of the addiction type behaviours such as smoking, drinking, drugs, gambling, etc. In one sense this is not so much living in the present so much as it is distracting yourself away from your past and future.

However in a more positive way, this may include things such as a doing a favourite hobby like going fishing or sewing, or doing things like exercising, socialising with friends, time with your pets, doing work we enjoy, or even going on holidays. Basically it can include anything we are doing in which we are not multitasking.

With that said however, as beneficial as these positive activities are, they only allow us to temporarily access the present moment when we are doing them. This is because when we stop doing them, our mind naturally begins to gravitate back to the past or future tense. This happens because the ego part of your mind is always subconsciously trying to identify with something from your past or future, in order to reinforce your identity – which is what you call ‘I.’ And this takes me onto the next point…

2.The second and harder way is to ‘become one with the present’:

I say the harder way because unlike the first way, this way requires self-development work which many of us can find difficult. There are many different types of self-development work which you can do to help you live more in the present, including things such as practicing self-compassion/acceptance/ forgiveness/gratitude, seeing a psychologist including things like CBT and ACT therapies, doing yoga, meditation including mindfulness, counselling, general healing and balancing modalities, spirituality, and so forth. These are all things I encourage, some necessary and some not so depending upon your level of awareness.

However with that said, being one with the present is essentially achieved through remembering who you really are (also known as self-actualisation), which is really the ultimate goal behind all of these different modalities and of all self-development work. The benefit of accessing the present this way is that once you do, you unintentionally become present in each and every moment of life without having to deliberately try to do so. Unfortunately, as life has become increasingly busy, more and more of us have lost focus of who we really are and with it our oneness with the present. Sure we like to think we know who we are, but the vast majority of us do not. I’ll ask you now, do you know who you really are?

But putting all other modalities aside, there is a simple deprogramming activity you can do write now to find out who you are, so that you can begin live more fully in the present.

The best way to become clear on who you are is to first become clear on who you are not. So let me give you a few tips of who you aren’t.

You are not…

Your occupation and/or title (I’m a doctor, a CEO, machine operator, teacher)

Your emotional states (I’m happy, sad, depressed, peaceful)

Your behaviours (I’m a yo-yo dieter, an alcoholic, a gambler)

Your roles (I’m a mother, sister, friend, eldest brother)

Your body (I’m beautiful, skinny, fat, short, ugly, sexy)

Your age (old, young, 30, 60)

Your material possessions and/or income (I drive a sports car, I have three houses, I’m a millionaire, I’m working class, I’m poor)

Your reputation (I’m useless, I’m special, I’m popular)

Your religious or spiritual beliefs (I’m Catholic, Buddhist, Muslim, Atheist)

Essentially you are not anything which constitutes your ‘story’ so to speak.

So let me ask you this – If nothing from your past defies who you are today then who are you?

Sure this may sound crazy, because if you are none of these things then who are you … right? I mean there’s not much left for you to identify with especially if you can’t identity with any of these things. And that’s my point — all you have left to identify with is the present moment. And so, the answer to who you are is ‘presence’ itself or ‘consciousness’ – that’s it.

On a deeper level, living in the present really means to live from a place of wholeness — without any identification with past or future tense. The more conscious you become of who you really are, the less you require anything from your past or future to form or enhance your identity. And when you have nothing left to identify with but your own conscious presence, you automatically begin to live more in the present moment.

Obviously with that said the opposite is also true – by making a conscious choice to live only in the present moment, you disallow anything from your past or future to influence your true nature. In fact, you are never more fully who you are than when you live in the present moment.

So remember, if you don’t live in the present, then you are not only fooling yourself, but also those around you. You will never achieve peak health and happiness, because you are living in a fictitious reality that you have created for yourself, and one which stress is a part of everyday life. One which affects everything you think, say and do in every single area of your life, including your health, relationships, work, faith and everything between.

Instead, aim to become increasingly conscious of your true nature, and as you do you will begin to live more fully in the present. This is a key attribute of living true and essentially of living a happier, healthier, fitter life.

So, I’d like to hear your thoughts on all of this?

Do you find that you spend most of your time in the past and future or do you find that you live mostly in the present and why?

Rob

November 2, 2017 0 comment

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Letting go of Self-Limiting Beliefs with Carmen Holder

Join me in a conversation on beliefs and life with Carmen Holder – the first known survivor in the world to make a 100% recovery from a complete heart puncture. In this short interview, Carmen shares the importance of remaining flexible/letting go of self-limiting beliefs, as well as many other lessons which she has learnt along the way, including the importance of getting to know yourself, being your own best friend, making time for yourself and more. If anybody would like to find out more about Carmen, or book her as a speaker, please visit www.carmenholder.com

October 2, 2017 0 comment

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Be flexible in your beliefs

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One of the most important attributes of living true includes remaining flexible in your beliefs. Essentially, this means being willing to change your beliefs about what you ‘believe’ to be true. This is important because what you believe can be the real difference between an ordinary life and an extraordinary one.

What are beliefs and how do we form them?

Beliefs are simply what we believe to be true according to our perception of our experiences.

We may be born with no beliefs but they begin to form from an early age, especially about our self. Either through real or perceived events/thoughts in our head or possibly even something taken out of context. Sometimes they may even be passed on through the influence from family and friends and of course our environment. Unless our experience of life relating to that belief tells us otherwise as we move through life, we can remain stuck with old beliefs that may not serve us well.

The beliefs we form can either be positive or negative. Positive beliefs empower us and enhance health and happiness. Negative beliefs do the opposite and are known as self-limiting beliefs.

What may appear trivial to others can be detrimental to yourself and lead to the creation of self-limiting beliefs which can last a lifetime. For example, your dad saying “shut the door you stupid child” could lead to you growing up with the belief that you are stupid.

As times goes by our heads get filled up with all of these beliefs and suddenly the way we perceive ourselves and the world becomes distorted. This is because our beliefs, whether they are real or not, positive or negative, shape our reality. Our beliefs influence and affect everything in our lives, including what we think, say and do and our part in the world.

Why is it important to remain flexible in your beliefs?

The reality is that many of the beliefs we form or adopt in life are simply not true. As such, most of us today are living with a distorted perception of not only the world, but more importantly ourselves.

There are two primary reasons why you need to remain flexible in your beliefs:

You are not living true if you don’t – instead you are living in a box; a fictional based reality that you have created based on your perception of yourself, the world and everything in it. Our false beliefs take us further from who we really are and robs us of our confidence, our gratitude, our resilience and our happiness. It affects our relationships, our career, our finances, our faith and the lifestyle choices we make around things like food, sleep and exercise.

We all know people who think and act like they know everything. These are often the same people who seem to struggle in life in different ways – a victim of their own stubbornness if you like. Some would even rather die than change their beliefs, which can be frustrating because you really want to see them change and be happy.

The problem with being a “know it all” is that you become blinded only by what you know. If you can relate to this, then it’s really important that you resist the need to always be right and acknowledge that you don’t know it all because if you did then your life would be pretty peachy in every way which is very seldom the case.

Experience has taught me that most people know enough to make a good living and survive in the world, however surviving is not thriving. The reality is that very few of us (and I say this without judgement), actually know enough about the true nature of ourselves, love and life, in a way that allows us to really be happy, healthy and fit.

So please, unless your name is Google, don’t assume you know everything because none of us do. The moment you think you know it all, is the moment that you close yourself off from reality and this is not living true. I can guarantee that as long as you think you know it all, you will not achieve your true potential in life. The key is to always remain curious and interested about everything. By doing so, you remain open, expanding your beliefs for greater awareness and expansion of not only the self but the world around you also.

You begin to open yourself up to reality as it really is – not the reality you perceive exists. A reality which brings you an enormous sense of joy, peace and enthusiasm in each and every moment regardless of what is or isn’t going on in your life. One where true lasting health, happiness and fitness is really possible. This is life itself, without all of the dysfunction. And this is what is available to us once we let go of old beliefs and open ourselves up to new beliefs and ways of being in the world. So please, don’t shut out things simply because you don’t understand or are fearful of them – but rather try to keep an open mind to all things. There are many things outside of your awareness that you are not even aware off, let alone understand.

Therefore, the first and foremost attribute of living true requires that we be flexible in our beliefs and in doing so begin to let go of any self-limiting beliefs which no longer serve us. Here are some tips to do this…

Free Will – You always have a choice:

Each one of us has the ‘free will’ to change our beliefs and believe what we want to believe and to choose the life that we want to live. If something in your life isn’t working, then it may be helpful to examine your beliefs, it may be that you are stuck somewhere. It’s entirely up to you!

Ditch the guilt:

Sometimes we hold on to self-limiting beliefs because we don’t want to disrespect or dishonour someone who matters to us. Family members are especially good at making you feel that you don’t really love them if you change your beliefs. However, the reality is that nothing could be further from the truth. You don’t need anyone’s approval – you are free to believe anything you want to believe. You are not responsible for others belief systems.

Get out of your comfort zone:

Humans are creatures of habit – we do what we know and often what we know is what we have learnt to survive. However surviving is not thriving. In order to get everything that you truly want in life you need to step outside of your comfort zone. So get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This includes resisting the temptation of staying with what you know because you think you have it figured out, and you are safe and doing ok, and you know what is coming next. Instead of being apprehensive or scared of change, be willing to step into the unknown and trust the process.

Let go of the past beliefs which no longer serve you:

So many of the beliefs we form about anything are in relation to the past. However the past only exists in your own head – all we really have is the present moment. So be careful that your past beliefs are not diverting your time, energy and attention away from the present and effectively robbing you of life. Understand that what was true or seemed to be true in the past, may not necessarily be true today – due to time itself, your own growth and awareness, technology, or any other reason.

Get to know your true self:

The only thing limiting you in life, is the belief that there are limits. As you become more aware of your true self, you begin to realise just how limitless you really are. As such, any self-limiting beliefs you may have once had, simply begin to fade away. I’ll talk more about getting to know your true self in another post, but for now just try listening to your intuition which always knows the truth – it’s your mind that creates and clings on to false and self-limiting beliefs.

Realise that everything is your teacher:

Everything you experience and everyone you meet in life has something they can teach you no matter how insignificant it may seem. Look at everyone who crosses your path as your teacher and take the attitude that you never stop learning in this classroom called life.

Ask someone else:

Often in life we don’t always see our limitations, but sometimes friends or even strangers are good at pointing this out. Sometimes their insight can add help you see the truth of the situation, because many of us have beliefs that make no sense but we keep on believing them.

Don’t rely entirely on research:

I love science – however, it’s important to not base all of your beliefs on science, including researched based evidence, to the exclusion of all else. Why, because science is not everything, and there are still so many questions that science cannot answer. Take the most powerful force in the universe called love as a primary example; we all know love exists, but science still to this day cannot prove it. The human spirit is another example – we know it exists but we can’t prove it – well not yet anyway. This means that if you base all of your beliefs around scientific research alone, then you won’t believe in things like love which has an enormous capacity to transform and heal anything in your life. Fortunately with new technology, there are scientific discoveries being made every day which are shattering preconceived beliefs about everything.

See a professional:

Healing distorted beliefs allows for greater insight into who we really are. So it may be helpful to seek the help of a professional to help where ingrained beliefs are limiting our potential for growth and happiness.

So remember, a big part of living true includes remaining flexible in your beliefs and in doing so letting go of any self-limiting beliefs that no longer serve you. If you can do this, then you will be on your way to living a happier, healthier, fitter life. So believe big and live big. But most importantly, believe in yourself and you will be unstoppable.

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Q.What beliefs are holding you back from living a happier, healthier, fitter life?

Q.What beliefs have you let go of and what affect has this had on your life?

Robert

September 13, 2017 0 comment