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gratitude

Empower Yourself

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What is motivation and why is it so important?

Motivation means having a reason to act or behave in a particular way. We can have the best of intentions but without motivation nothing happens. Being motivated is integral for taking action and facilitating change in any area of your life, including towards your health and well-being, which is the focus of this post.

Very few of us are really motivated:

Most of us struggle to not only find motivation, but also to keep it too. Just think about how many times you have said to yourself either ‘I can’t find the motivation,’ ‘I can’t stay motivated,’ or ‘I was motivated but then I lost it.’

Why we find it hard to maintain motivation:

So why do we find it so difficult to become and stay motivated? The reason is because we are not in alignment with who we are (our true-self). As a result, we tend to go about motivation in the wrong way, including by having an over-reliance on external goals, as well as through constant self-criticism.

*An over-reliance on external goals – This includes things like doing a fun run, or getting in shape before summer or for a birthday. The problem with being motivated by such goals, is that even if you do eventually reach them, at some point or another, your mind will no longer see a reason to continue the behaviour, and so the motivation stops. This occurs because your behaviour is often merely a means to an end, and never truly the reward itself. The result being that you need to find something else to motivate yourself, and also continuously try to summon up enough will power to stay motivated with it again. Don’t get me wrong, having external goals is not the problem. They only become a problem when you use them as your main source of motivation, as opposed to being motivated from within.

*Constant self-criticism – This is the carrot and stick approach – the carrot is ‘I want to feel good about myself’ and the stick is ‘I don’t want to feel bad about myself.’ This is a fear-based type of motivation – I am not ok if I fail, therefore I must try harder and succeed so I will be ok.

Many of us think we need self-criticism to motivate and keep ourselves in line. And whilst some amount of constructive criticism is useful in motivating ourselves to change, most of us do this in a non-constructive way. This is the nasty, harsh, belittling, you’re worthless, you’re bad, you’re no good type of criticism. This language may sound extreme, but if you were to actually write down (especially on a bad day) some of the things you say to yourself, you would be surprised at both how nasty and how frequent it really can be, eg. I’m fat, I look ugly, I can’t do that, etc.

The problem with this approach is that whilst it may initially motivate us, it often leaves us feeling stressed out and even depressed which is not exactly the most conducive mood for motivation. It also makes us lose faith in ourselves. If we constantly tell ourselves ‘I’m no good, I’m not worthy, I can’t do it,’ then we don’t feel confident to take on new tasks. The more we do it the more we become aware of failure – ‘I’m not even going to try because the consequences of failing are just too devastating – it’s better just not to go there.’ And so, we become less inclined to try and to keep on trying.

So why do we do it then? Well one of the main reasons why we are so attached to our self-criticism is that even though it is so painful, it’s because it gives us the Illusion of control. Think about it, how often have you said to yourself things like ‘I shouldn’t have failed.’ This implies that while it is theoretically possible that you will never fail… it’s because you have done something wrong… you shouldn’t have done this, you shouldn’t have been that, etc. We love the illusion that it is theoretically possible to be perfect. To never have things go wrong, and do anything we want to do. However, the reality is that we don’t have full control over everything, but yet we still criticize ourselves for it. We think if, ‘well maybe if I just tried that little bit harder, I could be perfect’ and that is not reality.

Where motivation should come from:

The key to endless motivation lies not in self-criticism or pursuits of the external, but rather by becoming empowered by your own sense of being, including the love and gratitude you have for who you are, and for life itself. This occurs naturally when you connect and live in alignment with your true self. – Robert Greco.

So, if the way we typically motivate ourselves doesn’t work, then how should we motivate ourselves? The answer is that we should be entirely motivated from deep within ourselves – from our very own sense of being, including the love and gratitude we have for who we are, and for life itself. This can only occur when we connect to, and live in alignment with our true-self, including our heart. Remember, it’s your heart that feels, not your head. If you want to feel motivated, then your hearts got to be in it. In this way, motivation has more than anything else, got to do with your relationship with who you are, or the lack of it. How exactly does living in alignment with your true-self motivate you? It does so in many ways, including

Increased Self-compassion – This is not a self-pity or poor me attitude, but rather the understanding that it’s hard for all of us – for me, for you, for everyone else. This is a more connected way of relating to yourself. Unlike self-criticism, self-compassion doesn’t evaluate and judge the worth of yourself as a person including whether or not you are good enough, or feeling like you have to always be doing more in order to see yourself in a positive light. Self-compassion is kind, enduring, supportive and constructive. This includes accepting, loving and embracing yourself for who you are, as you are – even though you’re not perfect and even though you fail sometimes. Yes, this is something most of us struggle to do!

You’re probably thinking… So, if I just accept myself as I am, flaws and all, then how and why would that motivate me? And the reason is because by doing so, we provide the safety needed to see ourselves clearly. And because we care about ourselves and don’t want to suffer, then we are going to want to make changes conducive to well-being. Think about it – if we love who we are more fully, then we are naturally going to want to look after who we are on all levels. We are going to treat ourselves with the respect, love and attention that we deserve. But if we don’t, then we are just going to do what makes us feel good in that moment rather than what is actually good for us long term. We also know that if we don’t succeed, it is still OK. There is no pressure that unless we change, then we are a bad person. Sure, it would be great if we could change, but also that we accept ourselves the way we are regardless.

Unfortunately, despite these positives, most of us find it really hard to motivate ourselves from a place of self-compassion. A common reason for this is because we don’t trust ourselves enough and or we confuse self-compassion with self-indulgence. This is where we think that if we are compassionate towards ourselves, then we will not do any exercise and eat lots of chocolate every day, or whatever else we like. However, when you come from a place of self-compassion, you understand that whilst pleasure in the short term feels good (self-indulgence), you are also aware that it harms you in the long run, so you are unlikely to engage in it. Self-compassion only wants health and well-being for ourselves, not harm, and as such provides the basis and motivation to adopt healthy lifestyle behaviours. When you are motivated from a place of compassion, including from a place of love and wholeness for self, you believe that you, and your health and well-being, are worth fighting for.

However, we need to ensure that we don’t use self-compassion as a way of making excuses for unhealthy choices. E.g. drinking two bottles of wine over dinner and saying ‘I’m only human.’ Sure, you could blow things off and say its self-compassion but is it really? No, because self-compassion only wants well-being, so make sure you live true to yourself regarding whether you’re using self-compassion as a source of motivation towards increased well-being and not for making excuses for unhealthy choices including irrational rewards. If you do make unhealthy choices, then it will be easier to take responsibility for them coming from a place of compassion because you won’t be so hard on yourself. This is important because when you take full ownership for everything in your life then you’re in control. The more you do this, the more you begin to trust and honour yourself and the easier it becomes.

Increased Inspiration – Did you know that after almost 20 years of working in the health and wellness industry, I have never met a lazy person. But I have met many who people who are uninspired. The problem is that when you feel uninspired, you don’t feel very motivated. So, the question is not ‘how can I become motivated,’ but rather ‘how can I be or feel inspired?’ You can do this by connecting and living in alignment with, your deepest nature.

Increased Purpose and Meaning – What really motivates you to get out of bed in the morning and do what you do each day? Without a consistent sense of purpose and meaning in your life, then it’s difficult to become motivated. However, when you begin to really connect and live in alignment with who you really are, then you begin to understand the true purpose of life. This leads to doing more fulfilling work and fostering more harmonious relationships, both of which imbue your life with a greater sense of meaning and purpose. This supports, rather than detracts, from our motivation for things like health and well-being.

Increased ability to live in the present – Did you know that the average person has about 50,000 negative thoughts each day. Thoughts which not only lead to increased stress and anxiety, but other mental health issues including depression. Being in this space can often make simple everyday things harder than what they should be, and it’s easy to fall into a state of learned helplessness or begin to feel overwhelmed. It’s like riding an emotional rollercoaster, where we feel great one day, but then down the next. And guess what, your motivation does the same. However, when we live in alignment with our true-self, we also live more in the present moment. This is important because virtually all negative thoughts come from either by analysing the past, or worrying about the future. By living more in the present, we significantly reduce most, if not all of the negative thoughts in our life. But more than that, when we do so, we also create/make space to experience our natural states of being, this includes feelings of happiness, peace, joy and enthusiasm; all of which helps us to become more motivated. In-fact, there is no greater source of energy, determination and inspiration for life and well-being, than when your heart is full of love and your mind is present. This is because universal energy/love, is more able to radiate though you without any resistance, providing a constant source of energy in everything we do.

Increased Gratitude – What’s your take on life? Do you love it, or do you think that life sucks? Because unless you love life and believe that you have everything to live for, then you’re always going to struggle to stay motivated.

However, when you live in alignment with your true-self, you begin to see the sacredness of not only who you are, but also of life itself. You begin to understand that each and every moment is a gift (that’s why it’s called the ‘present’) as there is no way of assuming that another moment will be given to you. Yet, that is the most valuable thing that can ever be given to us – life itself.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t really acknowledge just how sacred life really is. We think life’s just going to go on, and we think we have all of the time in the world, and as result, end up taking so much of it for granted. But the reality is that we don’t have all of the time in the world, because one day we will die. In-fact, the average life is only 27,000 days, and for many this is cut much shorter. In this way, life is precious and we must not take anything for granted. Every minute, of every hour, of every day, is absolutely precious, and needs to be honoured.

The good news is that you don’t have to wait until you’re living in alignment with your true-self before you start becoming grateful for life itself. Instead, start to write down one thing you are grateful for each day. The more you do this, the more in alignment you become with yourself.

Remember, you only have one chance at life. The question is, are you going to waste it, or are you going to make the most of it? Living in alignment with our true-self helps us to realise this, and the more we do, the more we become motivated towards well-being, including doing all of the things that give life, not take it away.

So, if you’re struggling to get and stay motivated, then it’s time you start to connect to, and live more in alignment with, your true-self. Because as you do, you will begin to also connect to that inner well of unconditional love, inspiration, purpose, gratitude and infinite energy. The result being that you will become empowered, rather than just motivated towards health and well-being, and this makes all of the difference.

Q.Do you constantly struggle with motivation, or are you someone who is empowered towards health and well-being?

Rob

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September 9, 2018 0 comment

Be Grateful

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What does being grateful really mean?

Gratitude is the feeling we have when we experience and reflect upon something that is of value to us. This could be something which is given to us or simply a feeling which spontaneously rises in our heart when we recognise the love and blessings in our life.

Why is it important to be grateful?

Gratitude is the basis of everything. Being grateful…

*Reduces Dis-Stress/Anxiety:

All emotions stem from either love or fear. Gratitude or appreciation is of the same vibration as love, therefore when you feel grateful it makes it harder to feel distress, anxiety or any other negative emotion. Try it; think of a stressor in your life, and just sit with it for a moment. Notice what this feels like in your mind and in your body. Now think of something which you are really grateful for, and completely focus your attention upon it. Notice the shift not only in your thinking, but also in how you feel. In this way, gratitude helps further to create a more positive mindset, meaning that you are more likely to seek solutions and opportunities as opposed to giving up.

*Makes you happier:

Many of us have been led to believe that when you are happy then you are grateful. However if this were to be the case, then why are there so many people who have everything that it would take to be happy, but they are not happy? And why are there people who have very little or much misfortune, but whom radiate happiness. Why? Because they are grateful. If you’ve been to some 3^rd world countries you would have seen people with very little with glowing smiles on their faces. So it is not happiness that makes us grateful, its gratefulness that makes us happy. If you want to be happy in life, then you must be grateful.

*Helps you to live life to the fullest:

When we don’t feel grateful, through our dissatisfaction we close off to and miss out on all of the good things life has to offer. In contrast, when we open our hearts and become more grateful, then we are able to experience all of the joy and gifts available to us in each and every moment, and in this way we are able to live our life to the fullest.

*Helps you to focus on what’s really important:

‘To be content with what we possess is the greatest and most secure of riches.’ Marcus Tullius Cicero

The more you practice gratitude, the more ‘content’ you become and the more you come to understand that what you really need to fulfil yourself has very little to do with the external world. In this way, gratitude helps to free yourself from having to be, do or have anything in particular – and with it much of the stress caused by chasing all things external. This doesn’t mean that you will sell all of your possessions and shift to Byron Bay. It simply means that instead of being fixated on and ‘wanting’ all of the ‘unnecessary stuff,’ you will instead by your very nature, find yourself desiring to live a much ‘simpler’ life. A life which allows more time and energy to adopt positive lifestyle behaviours, and restore balance and well-being.

*Helps you to be the best version of yourself:

Gratitude helps to deepen the connection with your authentic self by helping you to like and even love yourself more. This allows you to become more focused, more calm, more resilient, more motivated, more compassionate and much more. In short, gratitude helps you to become the best version of yourself.

How do we become more grateful?

*Don’t compare yourself with others – Your journey is your own:

In today’s consumer culture, it’s easy to compare ourselves with others whom we think have more than ourselves, which if we permit can leave us feeling less grateful and pretty low. Social media has taken this to another level, with numerous applications becoming an omnipresent force of comparison. The result being less gratitude and decreased happiness. What’s important to realise is that what most people post on social media is often only the best parts of their life, and not the chaotic stuff that goes on behind the scenes. No one’s life is ever really perfect. Hence the name ‘Fakebook.’

‘Your perspective on gratitude needs to come from an awakened heart that beats to the drum of your experience. When this happens you will be overwhelmed with all of your blessings.’ Anna Greco

It’s also important not to compare yourself against anyone or anything else, because your life and your journey is unique to you. It may seem that others may have more to be grateful for and sometimes they do, but that is their journey, not yours. We each have according to our own dharma, our path, and our choices, and the more we focus on our own journey instead of everyone else’s, the more blessings we can be thankful for.

It’s also useful to turn on the news once in a while to remind yourself of just how fortunate you really are compared too much of the world. There are always people out there with less than you, which is another reason to count your blessings. Which takes me on to the next point;

*Focus on what you do have:

The reality is that most of us have so much to be grateful for, much of which we often don’t appreciate until we lose them. So focus on what you do have, including your senses – your ability to hear, see, touch, taste, and feel. For your ability to walk, talk, love, laugh, play. For the fact that you live in Australia and not North Korea or Syria, for your freedom, your ability to travel, your education, your job, your shower this morning, your bed, your food, clean water, fresh air, your clothes, your heater, the internet, for electricity – much of the world lives in darkness, for your friends and family, your pets, the earth, all of the amazing animals, and so much more.

Essentially for life itself, because life truly is a gift. And this is the real secret. Once you acknowledge that life really is so precious, then you automatically become grateful for your ability to experience life itself and everything in it. So be grateful, and celebrate life every day, not just on your birthday because every moment is precious.

*Look after your mind and your body:

Gratitude first and foremost starts with you, meaning that if you feel good about yourself, then you will feel good about life. In order to feel grateful, you need to really look after yourself by engaging in positive lifestyle behaviours such as regular exercise, healthy eating, sufficient sleep, and everything else I talk about in this blogspace. If you don’t do one of these things, then it is easy to fall out of balance, and lose gratitude.

*Remind yourself to be grateful:

Simply become aware of, and remind yourself of even one thing in your life which you are grateful for. You can find more things to be grateful for once you get into this habit.

You can write this down in a journal, or on a wall calendar where you will see it. By the end of the month you will see that you have much to be grateful for. Or if you prefer not to write it down then just say it to yourself when you’re in the shower or when you go to bed. It’s a good idea to vocalise your gratitude as it helps those around us become more grateful too.

*Change your language:

The whole idea here is to infuse everything you say with a deep sense of Gratitude instead of speaking from a place of compulsion. And we can do this by simply reframing the things we often say. For example, ‘I have to go to the gym’ (burden) ‘I get to go to the gym’ (privilege). Or ‘I have to go to work’ vs ‘I get to go to work.’

*Smile:

We smile when we are content and happy with our situation – the more we smile the more grateful we become. Don’t underestimate the power of a smile.

*Always look for the opportunities:

Life can be really hard and even unfair sometimes, and when this happens it can be difficult to feel grateful. This is ok, because we cannot be grateful for everything, including things like violence or exploitation. Instead, what we need to do when we are confronted with things which are very difficult, is to rise to this occasion and respond to the opportunity which is given to us in that given moment. And we can rise to it by often learning something which is sometimes painful. To learn, to suffer, to stand up, all of these are opportunities that are given to us and the more we avail ourselves to these opportunities, the more we are able to make something out of life. Simply open your heart do whatever the opportunity invites you to do – which mostly is the opportunity to enjoy life. This is the real challenge for each of us – to find the opportunities that exist in the present moment, instead of being dragged back into the past and becoming a victim. This is a cup half-full mentality which is not only a key towards remaining grateful, but it’s also the key to being more resilient too.

Gratitude has a positive effect on every area of your life. Don’t wait to count your blessings for if you do you will miss them and you will miss the present that is given to you in every moment of this journey called life. Instead make the time to stop and smell the roses, and be grateful for all that you have in your life each and every day.